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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

My review of Terminator 3- Rise of the Machines (With deepest apologies to Edgar Allen Poe. Happy Birthday Mr. Poe)

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious movie of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my dorm room door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my dorm room door -
Only this, and nothing more.'


Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my movies surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Terminator -
For the rare and Indestructible machine whom James Cameron named the Terminator -
Tarnished here for evermore.


And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my dorm room door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my dorm room door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'


Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my dorm room door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.


Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Terminator!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Terminator!'
Merely this and nothing more.


Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'


Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my dorm room door -
Perched upon a bust of Hitchcock just above my dorm room door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.


Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me why did they make this horrible Terminator?!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'


Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
should ever see this horrible Terminator -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'


But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have seen this movie -
On the morrow its existence will be proven a bad dream.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'


Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'


But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a bean bag chair in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'


This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!


Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from memories of The third Terminator!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this bad Terminator!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'


`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
I know they make a fourth - tell me - tell me, I implore! WILL THEY STOP AT FOUR!?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'


`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall forget a tainted movie the producers call The third Terminator? -
Forget a bad and evil movie that taints its predecessors. Will I forget the third Terminator?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'


`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my sadness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'


And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Hitchcock just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

and they're making a fifth one. crap.



Poor James Cameron. They're ruining The terminator with 4 more sequels. 





Happy Birthday Mr. Poe. sorry I ruined your poem.

2 comments:

  1. So I take it that you didn't like Terminator 3?

    Also- I like how you butchered Poe's poem with cinematic references. Haven't seen that kind of creativity in a while.

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  2. well I resent the term 'Butchered' in terms of the poem but yeah. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete