Friday, February 18, 2011

My top 9 (or 10 depending on how you look at it) South Park characters

My last one because it is my last big show that I watch. Once again, just as it sounds.

From left to right: Stan, Kyle and Kenny. Yes that Kenny.

#10/9  Stephen and Linda Stotch-There never was a more normal looking yet so incredibly messed up family as the Stotches. He is bi-curious which gets everyone in trouble and she is prone to mental breakdowns of the rather ugly sort. This is the most prominent in Butters' Very Own Episode. Those two factors haven't been touched upon much since then, but one thing that hasn't changed is how much they seem to enjoy grounding Butters. I don't know why but it has made for some hilarious endings to some episodes. Stephen especially will ground butters for various things. Normally they are things that Butters has no control over at all. Often they are the most rational set of parents. I know that given what they do they don't seem to be. They're still nuts like the rest of them but What they will do is often closer to the norm. Maybe.

 "Excuse me Mr. Naseby, have you seen our son Butters?"
 "He was supposed to help me with the dishes an hour ago"
 'Uh yeah I think I saw him getting kidnapped by terrorists or something"
 "Is that so, well he is GROUNDED when he gets back!"
 "...poor Butters"

#8. Ike Moishe Broflovski-Ike is, like most of the South Park children, much smarter than his age would imply. He does things like wear a suit to school and he speaks pretty well for his age (Not in the earlier episodes though). Oh and he also has an affair with his kindergarten teacher. That episode was interesting. As I'm sure you've guessed (if you haven't watched the show and are reading this) Ike is does not look like a normal South Park kid. Well, that's because he's Canadian. All Canadians look like this in South Park. I myself have a Canadian friend and I can tell you that she doesn't look like this. (She doesn't say aboot or anything like that but we do make occasional jokes about it) I like Ike (laugh if you get it). He's a fun character to watch. I particularly like the Ike/Kyle stuff.

*Ike makes baby noises*
"Okay Ike lets play kick the baby"
"Kick the baby Ike"
*Naseby punts Ike*
"It's really not what it looks like. You have to see the show to get it"

#7. Wendy Testaburger- her main role in the series is pretty much to be Stan's girlfriend. When she isn't, she is reduced to nothing more than a background character. She is fiercely jealous particularly when it comes to Stan.

I think my girlfriend would say that...
See what I mean? Of course, that doesn't always stop Cartman from messing with her. It doesn't usually end well.

 See what I mean? whenever she is in the episode, it just makes the episode much more interesting. Particularly any Cartman v Wendy episodes like the one to the left.

 "Mr Naseby, I'm trying to raise Breast Cancer awareness. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind..."
 "He he breast cancer she said it again"
 "CARTMAN! shut up!"
 "You never learn do you Cartman"
 "Cartman is incapable of learning Mr. Naseby so if you would just.."
 "I'll take you on anytime Wendy!"

*Look at the picture above to see how that one turned out. Again.*

 #6. The Woodland Critters- Lets see, we have Beary the Bear, Deery the Deer, Mousey the Mouse, Bearvery the Beaver, Rabbity the Rabbit, Foxy the fox, Porcupiney the Porcupine, Woodpeckery the Woodpecker, Chickadeey the Chickadee, Squirrely the Squirrel Skunky the Skunk and Raccoony the Raccoon. To fully understand just why I like this group of Woodland Critters you just have to watch the episode. If you aren't allowed to watch any South Park episodes, then why I like these animals will gnaw at you for years to come until you go to college and can finally figure out "Why does the great and Powerful Lord Naseby like these cute critters so much?" If you can watch South Park, Here is the link. I can't even do my normal dialogue with them. You just have to see it. It is kinda rated R. Most are normally PG-13, and this one is mostly PG. It slips into R though.

#5. Leopold "Butters" Stotch-Murphy's Law incarnate. Anything that possibly can go wrong for Butters inevitably does. and I mean EVERYTHING. Like, Paris Hilton sees Butters and decides she wants him as her next pet and his parents agree to it. Of course there's also the aspect of being grounded every few minutes either for things that he didn't do or for things outside his control. Pretty much every episode that he is in, you just gotta say "poor Butters"
But one of the things that is so enduring about the character is that whenever he has his brief moments of victory, particularly over Cartman,  you enjoy those victories all the more. It's easy for Stan or Kyle to gain an edge over Cartman but when Butters does, you just wanna cheer. He's a great character. If I had to use 2 words to describe him I would say "optimistic misery" He's a miserable kid but he's still good natured and optimistic about life. and I think that's why we all like him.

'Well hi there Mr. Naseby. gee whiz I, I was just kidnapped by terrorists and I was held by, by them for 3 months with not a whole lot of food or water or anything. "
"Wow Butters that is absolutely horrible"
"Butters? BUTTERS!!!! Where have you been Butters?
"Well Dad I, I was kidnapped by terrorists and..."
"well can you explain why you were kidnapped by terrorists while you were supposed to be helping you mother with the dishes?"
"You are grounded mister!"
"But Mom, dad I...Aw hamburgers"
"...Wow, I think I should call child services or something."

#4. Kyle Broflovski- He's as much of a minority on this show as Token Black is (laugh if you get the significance in the name Token Black) As Cartman puts it, he hates Kyle because he is all three Js: Ginger, Jew, and Jersey. While anyone with a brain knows that the word Ginger doesn't start with a J, (or that Gingers don't have souls. Trust me we do).  I like Kyle because it is really fun to see how him and Stan react to Cartman or just how Cartman and Kyle react to each other. They go at it man. And Kyle is frustrated about how Anti-Semitic Cartman is. Who wouldn't be? I'm really surprised that Kyle and Cartman still have anything that resembles a friendship (but the show would be boring if there weren't 4 of them). Also, I like how Kyle also makes comeback remarks about Cartman's considerable weight. He's just an incredibly fun character to watch. Him and Stan.

 "Hey there Mr. Naseby, I'm doing a school project on the finer points of film criticism and..."
 "AHA! So the gingers are talking and planning to take over the world!"
 "Whoa hey hey calm down both of you. Look Kyle, you are a Ginger yes."
 "Heh heh heh heh"
 "And Cartman, Kyle's right. Shut up fat ass"
*Naseby and Kyle walk away laughing*

 #3. Stanley "Stan" Marsh- The everyman of the show. He's the one that everyone who watches the show can relate to...Unless you're Jewish, poor or a fat bigot. Then you will relate to Kyle, Kenny, or Cartman respectively. All kidding aside, He is the most normal person in South Park. I mean, he still has an intellect far greater than any character on the show except maybe Kyle. The best scenes are when him and Kyle are plotting against Cartman and get back at him know...being such a jerk and stuff. I don't know how Stan manages to get along with such a retard for a Dad. I mean really, the guy may be the breakout character for the show (Debatably. I personally think that Cartman would be the breakout character). My favorite episode with Stan as the primary character would be the aforementioned Woodland Critter Christmas episode. He's just great to watch and sometimes, you just gotta feel for him. He goes through a lot. They all do though really.

"So Lord Naseby, you think my dad is kind of a retard?"
"Well, maybe that was a bit harsh, but he's very...over the top."
"Oh, no no  I'm not mad, he's totally retarded. He's really embarrassing."
"Gee, I wonder why you feel that."

#2. Eric Cartman

Pictures are worth a thousand words and I got four of them. I can get more if I want. Where does one even begin with Eric Cartman? In the book The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, At the start of the second chapter he lists all of the negative adjectives he can think of and applies them to God (It's actually pretty offensive and if he did any research at at all, he would know it wouldn't be true) However, almost all of those adjectives can accurately describe one Eric Cartman one of the most recognized television characters in history. He does tend to leave an impression on you. Despite his plethora of negative qualities (and distinct lack of any remotely good ones) he is still incredibly entertaining to watch. Let's face it, there are times, not all the time for most, when we wish we could be Cartman just for one day. he pretty much gets away with what he does anyway. Not all the time obviously. I think that there is a little bit of Cartman in all of us and that is why he appeals to us. South Park would not be South Park without Cartman. if any of the other characters were different that might be one thing, but if Cartman wasn't Cartman, the show would be a lot worse I think. No, not 'I think'. I know. I know the show wouldn't be as good without Cartman. He's endearing. You gotta love him at the same time that you hate him.

*Naseby sees Cartman with a bag of frozen peas, a leaf-blower, and his Trapper Keeper*
"Uh Cartman, what are you doing with all of that?"
"heh heh, I'm gonna get Butters with this totally awesome prank"
"Don't you think that he might not appreciate that?"
"I'm gonna have to say no tho this."
"What does that even mean in this context!?"

And now...#1.

#1. Kenny McCormick-Yes, it is Kenny who has my top spot on the South Park list. You know, Butters suffers a lot at the cruel hands of his parents, but Kenny suffers much more. At least Butters has a semi-stable home to live in and isn't dying every couple of days in a painful way. The same can't be said for poor Kenny. Kenny is my favorite character because it is interesting to see how he dies next (Although I'm not upset that they toned that down a lot) and I love how he speaks and his hood muffles his voice. I like to try to pick out what he's saying and when I do it is pretty funny. As it is great to see the Stan/Kyle chemistry it is also great to see the Cartman/Kenny chemistry. I just overall enjoy watching Kenny. He's just the most interesting character to me. I also love how the other three understand him perfectly.

"Hey Kenny"
"Mfpmppffm Pmfppfpffmpm Pppmmmfmmmppmmpffm"
"How's it going?"
"Fppmpppmfpmf mfffmp'fmm mfmppfmffpppmfm mmmpmfpffmffmfmmfpfmp. Mmfmmmpfffmpppmmmmppp mfffmm fmmfmpmffpmfpmf mmmmmffmpmffpppmfm pmfmffpmpmpp mmm pmmmpppffpmp. Mff mfmfmfmppfmmfmm Mff'pmfpmf pmmfmffmmfmp pmfppfppfpmp mmmfmp mmm Pfmpmfmmmffmmmpppfffm ppfpff fmmppfppmmppfmpmfpmffpppmfm"
"Alright then"

Spoiler alert: This is Kenny minus the hood

As a last note, what do you get when you combine this

With this?

I'll tell you what, you get this

Pretty cool huh?


  1. your old profile picture, i would have gone with Cartman, because Kenny is great, but only recently has he talked a lot, he goes crazy in teh Coon episode

  2. He's awesome in that. It was a tough choice I must say.

  3. I think Kenny wasn't a great character. I think the best characters in South Park are the celebrities portrayed like Britney Spears, Barbra Streisand, Rob Reiner and Tom Cruise. I didn't forget Justin Bieber.

    Celebrities I think should be portrayed for one episode should be:

    - Julian Assange (the founder of Wikileaks)
    - Mark Zuckerberg
    - Sarah Palin
    - Lindsay Lohan

  4. they already did Palin. They did an episode about all of them actually. It is one of my favorites.