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Thursday, February 24, 2011

Five coolest and five worst Freddy Kreuger kills.

I have seen all of the Nightmare on Elm street films. I am a total Freddy fan and despite the fact that the movies between 1 and 7 were really bad, they had some awesome kills...and some that were not so awesome. so, here is a list of what, in my opinion, are the five best and worst Freddy kills of the series.


Let's start with the worst.

#5. Pool Party Massacre

What Happens: In the movie A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge, a film ranked by as the most unintentionally gay horror film of all time, Freddy possesses the boyfriend of the final girl and then rips out of him (not killing him though) and goes to a pool party and starts doing his thing...wait...that isn't his thing. JASON does things like that. Not Freddy, JASON. Freddy kills you in your dreams not in real life. If the producers ignore the M.O. of the main killer, then the film is going to get away from what it was trying to do from the start particularly with a killer like Freddy. It's stupid because it's not what he does. But he still has his dream powers in the real world.

What movie: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

Puns/Quips/One Liners: Now, in this scene a do-gooder says to Freddy during a small lull in the Massacre "Hey, just calm down alright? Relax. Yeah, it's gonna be alright. No one's gonna hurt you. Just tell me what you want, all right? I'm here to help you." in an attempt to reach out to Freddy's human side. Freddy looks at the do-gooder and his chin starts to wobble and he breaks down crying. Freddy and the do-gooder hug and Freddy rips of his glove and throws it into the pool and everyone is cheering and Freddy is laughing and crying because he feels free from all of the anger that caused him to kill. He then swears not to make any more sequels and not to say any stupid puns ever.

If only life were as kind. This is how that do-gooder ends up to the surprise of no one. That's what you get for trying to reason with someone who has no human side. Then Freddy turns to the audience and says something that guarantees there will be those extra 4 movies and 18 times as many stupid one liners....

"You are all my children now!!"
Crap. here come the sequels.

#4. Freddy rips out of Jesse to get to Ron.

What happens: This is how Freddy gets into the real world in the first place in Freddy 2. He rips out of the main character in a dream but comes in to reality or something...I dunno. This one is on here because it makes no sense. It's just...I dunno.

What movie: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

Puns/Quips/One Liners: He doesn't have any of that, but the dialogue preceding the kill is why this movie is unintentionally gay.

Well, It's better if I just show you.

#3. Comic Book kill

What Happens: Freddy sucks a comic book nerd named Mark into a comic book of the events of the movie and chases him around for a bit. Once Mark runs into a corner, Freddy comes in on a skateboard and is about to run into Mark but he cringes and when he looks up Freddy is gone. While on the skateboard Freddy was slashing the beams that held the dream comic building up and it collapses. It doesn't crush Mark though. Freddy taunts him using his dead girlfriend whom Freddy killed earlier. Mark gets angry and turns to Freddy and he out of nowhere has this battle suit on and guns. He then proceeds to shoot the crap out of Freddy while triumphant music plays. Of course this doesn't kill Freddy and he comes back as Super-Freddy. He then in one slash, mortally wounds Mark and turns him into paper with ink for blood. He then finishes slashing him to ribbons and laughs and waves his arms around wildly while the place crashes down around him.

What movie: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child.

Puns/Quips/One Liners: When he's taunting him with his girlfriend: "Is she delicious or am I crrrraaaazy?"

As Super-Freddy "Faster than a bastard maniac, more powerful than a local madman, It's SUPER-FREDDY!!!"

Once the kid is slashed up paper he says "Told ya Comic Books was bad for ya!"

#2. Hearing Aid/chalkboard kill

What Happens: Freddy has sucked a kid named Carlos with a hearing aid into a nightmare. Freddy then makes it a mutant hearing aid which makes everything he hears 20,000 times louder and then Freddy drops some pins on the ground which causes Carlos a lot of pain. Then Freddy pulls out a chalkboard. Do you remember the scene in The Emperor's New Groove with Kuzco and the squirrel and the leopards and the squirrel had a balloon llama and was getting ready to pop it? No? well, here:

That's pretty much happens with Carlos, Freddy, and the chalkboard. of course Freddy scratches the chalkboard with his glove (and it looks like he humps it too) and the noise is so loud it causes Carlos's head to explode...

What movie: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare

Puns/Quips/One Liners: "Nice hearing from you Carlos!"

#1. Video Game kill

What happens: A stoner kid names Spencer falls asleep on the couch and in his dream, the TV gets all funky 70's high looking after we see Johnny Depp in a cameo doing a anti-drug commercial on the TV and get knocked out by Freddy with a frying pan. Spencer gets sucked into the TV and into a video game with Freddy playing. Freddy beats up on Spencer playing as Spencer's overbearing father. Spencer gets the upper hand on one incarnation of his father but then a bigger incarnation (also controlled by Freddy) knocks him into a tree. An apple lands on Spencer's lap and he eats it and uses his new power from the apple to beat the video game dad. Spencer then breaks through a wall and goes back to the real world...physically. He's still in the dream world mentally where a video game version of Freddy is beating the living daylights out of him. (Pictured above). Freddy then controls Spencer in the dream and in real life and proceeds to have him do things like break through walls and bounce up and down all to cheesy noises. His friends bring himself into the dream world and rush and unplug Freddy's controller. Freddy has a 'power glove controller' (a real failed controller by Nintendo) long story short, he uses it to kill the kid.

What movie: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare

Puns/Quips/One Liners: When knocking out Johnny Depp "Yeah! What are you on!? Looks like frying pan and some eggs to me. Hey Spence, let's trip out!"

During the gaming "Father knows best"

"Now I'm playing with power!!"

"Great graphics"

"Hey! You forgot the Power Glove!!"

"Whaddya know? I beat my high score!"

Now lets move on to the best Freddy kills. Here we go.

#5. Wizard Master kill.

What Happens: Nancy from movie #1 finds out that this round of victims have powers in their dreams so they all go into their dreams to fight Freddy. This guy, Will, is in a wheelchair (he can walk in the dream though) and Freddy finds him and makes a demonic wheelchair attack him. Will uses his dream wizard powers to destroy the wheelchair and attacks Freddy with them but it does nothing and Freddy kills Will with the glove. I like this kill because the kid looks ridiculous in the wizard costume and his powers were stupid so killing him was for the best to spare the audience from having to deal with him and his retarded dream power any more.

What Movie: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors.

Puns/Quips/One Liners: "Will, you look tired. Have a seat."

"It's the chair for you kid!"

"Sorry kid, I don't believe in fairy tales!"

#4. Tendon marionette kill.

What happens: Basically this kid, Phillip, is a sculptor who makes little puppets. During a dream, one of those puppets turns into Freddy and he slashes Phillip's arms and legs and pulls out tendons and uses them to make a marionette out of Phillip. He walks Phillip to the top of the tower in the hospital and slashes the tendons and makes him fall to his death. I like this one because out of all of them, it's the most cringe-worthy kill.

What movie: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

Puns/Quips/One Liners: None. unless you count laughing a one liner.

#3. TV kill.

What happens: Pretty simple, a girl named Jennifer falls asleep in front of the TV, in her dream Freddy appears on the TV and arms come out of the TV, grab her, and shove her head through the TV. I like it because it has one of the only (maybe THE only) good Freddy pun.

What Movie: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

Puns/Quips/One Liners: "Welcome to Prime Time b****!"

#2. Bed blood geyser.

What happens: a kid named Glen falls asleep and he gets sucked into the bed by Freddy see the result. I like this one because...well it's just awesome. Plain and simple.

What movie: A Nightmare on Elm Street

Puns/Quips/One Liners: after the kill he says to Nancy "I'm your boyfriend now Nancy!" and does the phone tongue thing.

And so...what is the best Nightmare on Elm Street kill of all time? well, you should already know that. I go back to the classics.

#1. Being pulled across the ceiling.

It happens twice in the series and so I bring it up twice. Ignoring the remake of course. Basically in the original, Freddy chases Tina around in her dream and he catches her and cuts her up and drags her across the ceiling. In Wes Craven's New Nightmare, he slashes Dylan's babysitter, Julie, in the back and drags her across the ceiling. It's just the classic Freddy kill.

What movie: A Nightmare on Elm Street/Wes Craven's New Nightmare.

Puns/Quips/One Liners: None. That's what else makes this the best.

So there you go. Those are the five coolest and five worst Freddy Kills of the series.

I'll see you in your dreams!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!


  1. Bloodytastic blog LN:)!!!!
    #1 is definitely the best!!!

  2. Thanks! Yeah, it is pretty awesome. I got them at the PetSmart in the design section of my blog.