Wednesday, February 16, 2011

My 10 Favorite Family Guy Characters

I did one for The Simpsons and now one for Family Guy. More will come in time.Some choices will be controversial I must admit, pretty much for who I leave out. But it is my list.

Although, first I would like to say what my favorite moment of the show was. It was this one right here.

The quality sucks but there you go.
(I like Peter, am also a Patriots fan. Not foremost but I am one. I'm a Broncos fan first. Then Steelers then Patriots...then Bears)

Also, these two are my favorite episodes. After that the show got a lot weaker for some reason.


#10. Ernie the Giant Chicken. The fights between Ernie the Giant Chicken and Peter are so awesome, that they rival the Crazy 88 fight scene in Kill Bill or Neo/Smith fights in The Matrix. (Not beat per se, but rival for sure) One of the things I love about them is that they are SO RANDOM!!! I mean, Peter could just be sitting at the table talking to Lois and suddenly.... *Lord Naseby looks up and sees Ernie in the window*
*Ernie crashes through window tackling Lord Naseby*
*Naseby and Ernie exchange blows and the fight spills outside*
*Naseby and Ernie fight in the middle of the street until car hits them both and they are on top of the car*
*Naseby punches Ernie in gut and Ernie pecks Naseby in the face several times*
*Driver of the car looks in rear view mirror and sees what exactly is going on diverting his attention and he swerves into the wrong lane. Swerving knocks Naseby and Ernie off of car and the car crashes into another car. Resulting explosion takes out 16 more cars*
*Naseby and Ernie fight some more and eventually the fight goes into Ross Hall* 
*Ernie gets the upper hand and is repeatedly punching Naseby in the face*
* Naseby grabs statue of Ross and beats Ernie with it. Ernie falls to the floor dead. Naseby hits him some more for good measure*
*Naseby walks away. Ernie opens one eye*
*Naseby walks back into his room*
Okay then sorry about all that I...had to do take care of some stuff. It goes a long way back you wouldn't understand. So yeah, Ernie the Giant Chicken. How many people do you know that have fought him? One now.

#9. Joe Swanson.He's an overachiever. Not in the typical sense though. Most overachievers don't continue to be the best cop on the police force after they're in a wheelchair. Maybe I'm wrong about that. He pushes himself and everyone around him to be better than they can possibly be. But the best moments of the show are when he is just K-BARing with Peter and Quagmire.
"Hey Naseby, I got a call about a domestic disturbance. Someone heard screaming at your house."
"Uh, I wouldn't know anything about that. I'm here alone actually. Just blogging."
"Alright sir but if I get another call I will come back with a search warrant"
"Oh, yeah. Okay." *Joe drives away* "Maybe I should turn down the T.V. I might be watching Scream 2 a little too loudly I suppose"

#8. Glenn Quagmire.If I had to guess, this guy is probably the most famous sex addict in the world (well, maybe Bill Clinton...burn) I like his random nonsensical stuff. "giggity giggity goo! Allll riiight" He hates Brian. A lot. And when that comes up in the show it can make for some really interesting scenes. Awkward and embarrassing for Brian, funny for the audience. But I must admit, the reasons that Quagmire has for hating Brian aren't too far-fetched. They actually kinda make sense. But yeah, this guy's fun to watch.
"Hey Naseby, do you happen to know where I can score any hot chicks, particularly twins who aren't afraid to get down and dirty giggidy!"
"Uh...down that way" (Points in random direction.)
"Alll Riiight!. Giggidy!"
"wow...this guy...I can't describe him...he needs...professional help I think"

#7. Peter Löwenbräu Griffin. Wow, I have a habit of putting the main characters of the show pretty low don't I? Homer was #8 and Peter is #7. But that doesn't mean I don't like him. He's on here after all isn't he? anyway, Peter is like Homer (suspiciously similar to some) in the way that he tries and usually messes up his family's life but at the end of the day he's made it all better and his family still loves him. He's the kind of guy we like to root for. It was determined in one episode that he literally is a retard. His IQ is incredibly low and it doesn't really come as any surprise to be honest. He's also really stubborn and will get what he wants one way or the other. "Lois I want flapjacks. For every five seconds that I do not have flapjacks, I shall break a window"

 *Looking at Peter* "so Peter, you're thinking of pushing that button that says 'do not push' aren't you?"
 "No I am not"
 "Come on, you wanna know what happens right?"
 "Lois will get mad if she knows I did"
 "Come on, press the button"
 *Peter pushes the button*
 "see nothing happened"
 *Man runs in room*
 "Come see quickly!!! The sun has been blocked out!"
 "Yeah Peter, let's get outta here"

 #6.  Meg Griffin. If things are going right for her, odds are they actually aren't. Things never go right for her. (Case and point, this most recent Halloween episode. *Shudder*) But it has made for some absolutely fantastic episodes. If life were fair, A. things wouldn't go so wrong for her all the time and B. she would be voiced by a recently Academy Award nominated actress. I suppose a bit of Meg rubbed off on Mila Kunis because, no Oscar nom for her. But everything goes wrong for her, the boys she likes she'll never get, the one guy who wants anything to do with her she doesn't like, she tries to become a lesbian since as one she's accepted by someone but that doesn't work. It all goes wrong. But like I said, it makes for some hilarious, and sometimes touching, episodes.

 "Hey Mr. Naseby, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to have dinner with me sometime. You can talk to me about movies all you want. I don't mind."

"Sorry Meg I have a girlfriend. But if you want something I have a dog that..."

"AAHH!! A DOG!! UG I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!!" *storms off*

 "...A dog that I need someone to babysit for a couple of weeks for 50 dollars a day so...forget it, she's already left"

#5.  Jillian Russell-Wilcox. There are dumb blonds, there are dumb blonds that have an IQ lower than 6, and then there is Jillian. Wow. I have never met, or seen someone on TV, stupider or even remotely as stupid as Jillian (Well maybe there was that crocodile I once saw whom insisted that she could take on lions to eat their cubs. A lot of them). Voiced to perfection by Drew Barrymore. Not since Scream have I enjoyed seeing her in something so much.

 Yes that's the one.

Everything that Jillian says is as hilarious as it is moronic. Seeing her with Brian, who is smart, is hilarious. I hope to see more of her in the future.
"Say  Mr. Nazuhby. what are you doing?"
 "I'm blogging right now and my name is nAseby. Emphasis on the A. Not Nazuhby. Not correct at all...*notices Jillian spinning in circles*You're not even listening to me anymore are you?"
 "Wheee!!! St. Patricks day is soon right? That's the day where we paint our houses red in honor of that Russian guy right?"
" First off, I don't even think that's a holiday in any culture, secondly St. Patrick was English not Russian (or Irish, look it up). You're mind has moved on completely"

 #4.  Lois Griffin ('nee Pewterschmidt). The Marge of Family Guy (geez maybe there is something to that rip-off thing) although, I doubt marge had sex with all of Kiss. It seems Lois has. Multiple people have called her 'Loose Lois' over the course of the show. Interesting. She has to deal with bickering kids in the form of Chris and Meg like every other mother. However, I doubt that every other mother have babies that try to kill them. Lois does.

Did Deborah from Everybody Loves Raymond have to deal with this from her twin boys? Does Marge have to deal with this from Maggie? Did the mother from The Brady Bunch (whoever that was) have to deal with this from the youngest child (Whoever that was). Nope. Only Lois has to deal with a homicidal infant. She is blissfully unaware of Stewie's repeated attempts to kill her. That's what makes it really funny. Plus, it's not like Stewie's trying to hide his intentions to kill her from anyone. Great stuff.

"Lois? Lois Pewterschmidt? Oh my gosh I haven't seen you in years!"
"Sir Naseby? My god it's gotta have been at least 15 years"
"Actually it's Lord Naseby now"
*Lois laughs* "You know I'm not sure why you had us call you that, we all knew your real name was..."
"Lois who is this?"
"Oh hi Peter, this is Naseby. We used to hang out together. Naseby this is my husband Peter"
"Husband? Loose Lois has a husband now?"
"And three kids"
"Huh. Who'da thought? This is my girlfriend. We've been together for a while now"
"Sir how do you know my wife?"
"Lois huh? How do you know my boyfriend?"
'Well Pete, may I call you Pete? Well, Lois and I were in a group of friends that hung out together boy, a long time ago. Thanks to the floating timeline it was over 30 years ago but we aren't in our 50s. we were both 25 or 26 if I call correctly. Anyway, it was me, Lois, Gene Simmons and this guy named Jerome. man it was awesome. My favorite moment was when we were running from the cops desperately trying to throw away the bags of cocaine we had..."
"why did you call her Loose Lois?"
"Yeah Naseby if that's your real name? Why?"
"Let me put it this way, it was the 80s and we were in our 20s."
'So you're saying that you and my wife..."
"Peter it was a long time ago!"
"uh...all the same I guess I should go now Lois...Peter doesn't look to happy. Neither does my girlfriend actually. They look like they're about to rip us both to shreds"
"*Sigh* well it was nice seeing you again"

#3. Mayor Adam West. If you're wondering what you're looking at, it's what I call words. If you're wondering about the picture, it's Mayor Adam West wielding a crossbow that fires cats at a pizza delivery boy that was delivering a pizza that Mayor West ordered. The thing is, by that point in the show, him doing things like that shouldn't surprise me but they do until I think about them later. They always make me laugh though. He does things that...well, take for instance this latest Halloween episode. see most houses that night gave out candy. Not Mayor West. Oh no, he gave out Cornish Game Hens...with gravy.

Yep, this is a Cornish Game Hen.

 The best part about it is that he is voiced by the real Adam West who was for all intents and purposes, the first Batman. This benefits the show greatly. He's hilarious. Oh, and did I mention that he weighs only 15 pounds? Or that he weighs so little because he's 95% Helium? Yep. It's true.

"Hello there my good man, if you're willing to help me I can make it worth your while"
"Watch my sink there. I will sleep soundly tonight if I know that the government isn't going to send their spies through it!
"...How can you make this worth my while?"

#2. Brian Griffin. If Snoopy stopped being so awesomely Snoopy and became sarcastic and started talking, you would have Brian. Most of the time Brian is so human that you forget that he's a dog. He drives, walks on two legs, drinks martinis and speaks English. but then he does things like get excited for things like going for a walk, barks, and he sits and lays down like a dog. He is very close with Stewie. That has pretty much made the best episodes of the entire series. The Road to... episodes are among my favorites (Although I found aspects of the second half of The Road to the North Pole to be pretty tasteless). Like Snoopy (to which he will always be compared) he is a failed writer. Except for Snuggly Jeff which was A. not canon and B. not too good for Brian or Joe but it was good for Stewie Wilkes. You have to watch the specific episode to get it. But anyway, Brian is best when he is with Stewie. He is also really good when he tries to stop Quagmire from hating him which always goes beyond failing miserably (for a big example, Road to the North Pole).

"Hey Brian"
"Hi, Naseby...I read your blog about the Christian thing."
"Yeah, and I read The God Delusion"
*awkward pause*
"Well Naseby, you think people like me are ruining the world and I think people like you Conservative Christians are ruining the world..."
"Yeah well...I wouldn't say you are ruining the world I just heavily disagree with your beliefs....*Awkward pause* here Brian! Here's a stick you want the stick!?"
"Stick! Yes I want the stick oh please throw the stick!"
"You want it boy? huh you want it!?"
"yes yes I want it throw it!"
*throws the stick* "Go get it!!!"
*Brian barks running after the stick*

Well, I won't draw out this one. There's only one logical choice anyway.

#1. Stewart Gilligan "Stewie" Griffin...duh. The show's breakout character has to be #1 come on. There are tons of reasons why I, and the world I must say, like Stewie. He's just...He's like Brian, he's a total genius mastermind but he's still a baby (Like Brian in the sense that Brian acts like an intellectual human but he's still a dog). I love the criminal mastermind aspect of him. But unfortunately, after the Lois/Stewie kill each other episodes, this has been toned down considerably which is unfortunate because it is what drew me to him as a character in the first place. I also love how he has the secret room in his room that houses enough weapons to rival an armory that one might find in a secret military base. He knows how to use all of them I promise you and as a matter of fact he has been seen using them. This list includes (But is certainly not limited to)
*various ray guns/death rays
*RPG launcher
*Suppressed Sniper Rifle
*blow darts
*Various types of handguns
*Dual knives
*and a shotgun.

Plus he has the power to pull things out of hammerspace (For an idea of what that looks like, think of the Mary Poppins bag.) Actually this is a trait that I share with Stewie. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I have this power I kid you not. I can take anything I want to out of hoodie pockets. It's friggin' awesome. But yeah. Stewie is the best. I also love it when he talks to Rupert. Especially when he tells Rupert (his teddy bear) to do things like "Man your battle station" Of course Rupert never does because he's a teddy bear something that Stewie doesn't seem to notice but he does get frustrated when Rupert doesn't do as commanded."

"YOU THERE! Movie man!!! Stop blathering on and on on your blog and feed Me! Lois and the fat man aren't here and I am hungry. if you do this for me, I will make sure your death is quick and painless when I take over the world."
"What can I do to get to the position of second in command when you take over? Kill Lois for you?"
"NO! SHE'S MINE TO FINISH!!!! But if you want to do something useful I suppose you could kill the fat man. I would at least make you a general or something for that.  UNTIL THEN FEED ME! I'M HUNGRY!!"
"Okay okay"
"And after that you must put me down for my nap and make sure Rupert is in his proper defensive position!"
"Okay. right"


  1. HAHA! You certainly are a big fan of the series. I haven't missed one episode to date.

  2. I like Family Guy as well...
    Peter is my favourite character by far, there's just something about his voice and his expressions that makes me laugh every time.
    Adam West is hilarious as well.

    Great work, this was a hilarious read!

  3. Thank you both! I haven't missed a Family Guy episode either.

  4. Wow that is pretty much my line up for top ten favorite characters, except I would have to switch Peter and Lois. I am so glad that I got the Sling adapter from my job at DISH Network. I can watch Family Guy all day at work now. With the Sling adapter, I can stream live and recorded TV from my android phone. And the best part is that I can use it wherever I get 3G service. Check out at!

  5. Nice! Glad you liked it. Was the second half of your statement a commercial?

  6. I was disappointed you did not include Sneakers O'Toole. But great blog!

  7. Replies
    1. what is the name of the guy with the hawiian shirt