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| The headquarters of Flixter |
Sunday, January 30, 2011
One of the most important books that I have ever got 1/5th of the way through before it got really really dry and I gave up.
Well, I figured it was finally time to read this. The author is one of the most fascinating people that has ever lived and I wanted to get inside his head and find out what made him tick. I think it is is incredibly important. The book I read (as you may have guessed already) is...
Yes Mein Kamphy Chair. I would like to read an excerpt from the book for your entertainment.
"As I sit in Mein Kamphy chair I think about life. The Third Reich, the stormtroopers, Stalin, and the imminent American invasion. I don't really care though. As I sink deeper and deeper into Mein Kamphy chair I realize that taking over the world isn't important. Life would be so simple if everybody had a Kamphy chair. No wars, no conflict, just peace. I must tell Goebbels to free the concentration camps. Why did I need to be so evil? None of it should have happened. I should have just focused on helping the German people and Mein Kamphy chair. simplicity is the essence of purity." (P. 168, Hitler). Interesting right?
Alas it cannot be. It wasn't what I really read. I wish it was. Then I might have had a better day. many better days and I certainly would have finished the book. But what I read instead (as I'm sure you guessed) was
Like I said, it got really dry. Really dry. But there were still elements that fascinated me. mainly that he explains why he hated the Jewish people.
"then I came to Vienna. I was fascinated by the architecture and preoccupied with my own fate. At first I was not concerned with the classes of people in the large city Although there were already nearly two hundred thousand Jews among the two million people in Vienna, I did not see them. My eyes and mind could not grasp all the values and ideas in the first few weeks. Only when I began to settle in did I begin to look more closely at my new world and see the busy scene more clearly. That's when I encountered the Jewish Question. (P. 80, Hitler)
He goes on to say that he, at first had no animosity towards the Jews and "at first saw only the religious aspect" he even was opposed to religious attacks of them. "The tone of the anti-semitic press in Vienna seemed unworthy of of the cultural tradition of such a great people" (80). He also says that he knew of all of the attacks against Jews in the middle ages and how he had no desire to see that repeated. However, he slowly starts to doubt his stance regarding the Jews. He begins to doubt his beliefs about them and he buys anti-semitic pamphlets. He sees that they are not quite good but he still researches anti-semitic ideas. He finds out that a lot is controlled by the Jewish people "I came to understand how it controlled the press, the influence in art, in literature, and in theater. All their slimy declarations now meant little or nothing. It was enough to look at one of the billboard pillars and study the names credited for the awful movie or theatrical presentations in order to be fully convinced of the Jewish problem" (84) He then goes on to describe his full blown hatred of the Jewish People calling them "An intellectual pestilence worse than the Black Death of ancient days" (84). He then goes on to describe how horrible they are for at least 5 more pages. So basically, he hates them because he thinks that they are ruining society because they control most aspects of it. Pretty horrible stuff huh?
So, now that you know all of that, which book would you rather read? This...
Or this.
"As I sit in Mein Kamphy chair I think about life. The Third Reich, the stormtroopers, Stalin, and the imminent American invasion. I don't really care though. As I sink deeper and deeper into Mein Kamphy chair I realize that taking over the world isn't important. Life would be so simple if everybody had a Kamphy chair. No wars, no conflict, just peace. I must tell Goebbels to free the concentration camps. Why did I need to be so evil? None of it should have happened. I should have just focused on helping the German people and Mein Kamphy chair. simplicity is the essence of purity." (P. 168, Hitler). Interesting right?
Alas it cannot be. It wasn't what I really read. I wish it was. Then I might have had a better day. many better days and I certainly would have finished the book. But what I read instead (as I'm sure you guessed) was
"then I came to Vienna. I was fascinated by the architecture and preoccupied with my own fate. At first I was not concerned with the classes of people in the large city Although there were already nearly two hundred thousand Jews among the two million people in Vienna, I did not see them. My eyes and mind could not grasp all the values and ideas in the first few weeks. Only when I began to settle in did I begin to look more closely at my new world and see the busy scene more clearly. That's when I encountered the Jewish Question. (P. 80, Hitler)
He goes on to say that he, at first had no animosity towards the Jews and "at first saw only the religious aspect" he even was opposed to religious attacks of them. "The tone of the anti-semitic press in Vienna seemed unworthy of of the cultural tradition of such a great people" (80). He also says that he knew of all of the attacks against Jews in the middle ages and how he had no desire to see that repeated. However, he slowly starts to doubt his stance regarding the Jews. He begins to doubt his beliefs about them and he buys anti-semitic pamphlets. He sees that they are not quite good but he still researches anti-semitic ideas. He finds out that a lot is controlled by the Jewish people "I came to understand how it controlled the press, the influence in art, in literature, and in theater. All their slimy declarations now meant little or nothing. It was enough to look at one of the billboard pillars and study the names credited for the awful movie or theatrical presentations in order to be fully convinced of the Jewish problem" (84) He then goes on to describe his full blown hatred of the Jewish People calling them "An intellectual pestilence worse than the Black Death of ancient days" (84). He then goes on to describe how horrible they are for at least 5 more pages. So basically, he hates them because he thinks that they are ruining society because they control most aspects of it. Pretty horrible stuff huh?
So, now that you know all of that, which book would you rather read? This...
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| P.S, not this one |
My review of Ocean's 11
It has been a few years since I have seen this one and I must say that it was as funny and entertaining as I remembered.
Acting/Characters: It has a great cast: George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Andy Garcia the list goes on and on. Each role is done very well and I loved all of the characters. Except Julia Robert's character. Not a huge fan of her at any rate really. But other than that, all of the characters were really great and excellent to watch. I really liked the screen chemistry between a lot of the characters, Pitt, Clooney and Damon worked very well together and the two playing the arguing brothers were really great to watch as well. 8/10
Plot: Basic heist plot. You got your crew and you have the target. Crew is a motley bunch and the target is a powerful businessman. There were some other excellent plot elements and as such the film went new directions than I would have guessed. Some bits were predictable but a lot of it was funny original and just all around entertaining to watch. 8.5/10
Screenplay: Like I said there was great chemistry between the crew and I feel that was due in large part to the witty and excellent screenplay. I found myself laughing at the jokes that they all made and I had a great time listening to the dialogue. It is rare that I find a great screenplay these days in a non-classic Oscar winning film, but I found one here. 8.5/10
Likableness: Like I said, this film is extremely likable. All of the characters (except Julia Robert's character) are really fun to watch and you are usually left wondering where the film is going next. You invest yourself in the movie and that pays off big time. I would highly suggest this to anyone who has not seen it. 8.5/10
Final Score: 33.5 83% (N)
Trivia Time: 1. Cameos.
a. Jeffery Kurland the costume designer appears as one of the tailors fitting Saul Bloom's suit.
b. Steven Soderbergh as a team member of the vault-bombing thieves.
c. Jerry Weintraub The producer is talking to Saul at a card table in the casino before he speaks to Benedict.
d. Henry Silva and Angie Dickinson, who both appeared in the original Ocean's Eleven, appear during the fight scene.
2. George Clooney had a keg of Guinness installed in his dressing room.
3. The cast did gamble during off hours. While there's disagreement between who won the most (George Clooney says Matt Damon, Damon says Brad Pitt), Clooney managed to lose 25 hands of blackjack in a row.
4. There is a scene in the trailer in which Danny asks the parole-board members how much they earn a year. This was cut from the movie because the director talked to some actual parole-board members and they all agreed that if a prospective parolee were to make that comment, he'd be denied parole.
5. In one of the scenes where the gang is discussing the heist, they are sitting in a house that is actually under the busy streets of Las Vegas.
6. The wig used by Rusty (Brad Pitt) in his disguise as a doctor was Mike Myers's rehearsal wig for Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
7. In nearly every scene Rusty's in, he's eating something. According to Brad Pitt, this is because the whole gang (his character in particular) would be so busy that they'd rarely be able to eat; it was decided that Rusty would just eat all the time. He first mentioned this when he was eating after having worked all day without a break for lunch and was hungry, because he thought it would be a good character trait for Rusty Ryan as well.
Acting/Characters: It has a great cast: George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Andy Garcia the list goes on and on. Each role is done very well and I loved all of the characters. Except Julia Robert's character. Not a huge fan of her at any rate really. But other than that, all of the characters were really great and excellent to watch. I really liked the screen chemistry between a lot of the characters, Pitt, Clooney and Damon worked very well together and the two playing the arguing brothers were really great to watch as well. 8/10
Plot: Basic heist plot. You got your crew and you have the target. Crew is a motley bunch and the target is a powerful businessman. There were some other excellent plot elements and as such the film went new directions than I would have guessed. Some bits were predictable but a lot of it was funny original and just all around entertaining to watch. 8.5/10
Screenplay: Like I said there was great chemistry between the crew and I feel that was due in large part to the witty and excellent screenplay. I found myself laughing at the jokes that they all made and I had a great time listening to the dialogue. It is rare that I find a great screenplay these days in a non-classic Oscar winning film, but I found one here. 8.5/10
Likableness: Like I said, this film is extremely likable. All of the characters (except Julia Robert's character) are really fun to watch and you are usually left wondering where the film is going next. You invest yourself in the movie and that pays off big time. I would highly suggest this to anyone who has not seen it. 8.5/10
Final Score: 33.5 83% (N)
Trivia Time: 1. Cameos.
a. Jeffery Kurland the costume designer appears as one of the tailors fitting Saul Bloom's suit.
b. Steven Soderbergh as a team member of the vault-bombing thieves.
c. Jerry Weintraub The producer is talking to Saul at a card table in the casino before he speaks to Benedict.
d. Henry Silva and Angie Dickinson, who both appeared in the original Ocean's Eleven, appear during the fight scene.
2. George Clooney had a keg of Guinness installed in his dressing room.
3. The cast did gamble during off hours. While there's disagreement between who won the most (George Clooney says Matt Damon, Damon says Brad Pitt), Clooney managed to lose 25 hands of blackjack in a row.
4. There is a scene in the trailer in which Danny asks the parole-board members how much they earn a year. This was cut from the movie because the director talked to some actual parole-board members and they all agreed that if a prospective parolee were to make that comment, he'd be denied parole.
5. In one of the scenes where the gang is discussing the heist, they are sitting in a house that is actually under the busy streets of Las Vegas.
6. The wig used by Rusty (Brad Pitt) in his disguise as a doctor was Mike Myers's rehearsal wig for Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
7. In nearly every scene Rusty's in, he's eating something. According to Brad Pitt, this is because the whole gang (his character in particular) would be so busy that they'd rarely be able to eat; it was decided that Rusty would just eat all the time. He first mentioned this when he was eating after having worked all day without a break for lunch and was hungry, because he thought it would be a good character trait for Rusty Ryan as well.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
The only way this works is if you know that I am not serious. I did it as a joke for an English essay
Cannibalism: Should We Be More Lenient?
The self-appointed genius and legendary comic strip character Calvin of the famous comic strip Calvin and Hobbes, was in class one day and he gave his teacher a rather unexpected suggestion. He suggested that the class put their desks in a circle and debate whether or not cannibalism should be grounds for leniency in murders since it is less wasteful. The next panel shows Calvin in the corner in a dunce cap noting that teachers would rather teach their pupils things that can simply be looked up. While Calvin did not get to debate his side, it is a potentially important issue that must be discussed. Cannibalism should be grounds for leniency in murder trials, since it is less wasteful.
Now I personally feel that yes, cannibalism should be grounds for leniency in murders since it is less wasteful. However, I must make it clear what I mean by cannibalism and murders. I know that there have been instances like the Donner Party where the members have had to eat each other to stay alive. It happens. When I am talking about cannibalism, I am not talking about eating another human being to maintain survival. I am talking about a person who deliberately murders a person and eats them for a reason other than a last resort survival technique.
The first reason that it should be grounds for leniency is the burial factor. Funerals are not cheap. “According to the Federal Trade Commission, the average funeral costs in the United States can be well over $10,000 by the time you add floral arrangements, prayer cards and family transportation” (mydollarplan.com). If the dearly departed murder victim was eaten, then there is no need to have an expensive funeral. The only thing that one can possibly have is a memorial service which is far cheaper. The cost of funerals is accumulated with things like graveyard space, headstones, caskets, and funeral homes. With no corpse, all of those things become moot. Also, the cremation route, while it is cheaper, is still relatively expensive. “Cremation services usually start at $1000.” (mydollarplan.com). while the cremation route takes away costs like graveyard space and a headstone, the family would still be stuck with the additional costs of the memorial service. If the victim was cannibalized, there is no need to pay any expenses with anything to do with a corpse. By eating the victim, the killer just saved the victim’s family thousands of dollars leaving them with no debt.
There is another factor that must be taken into account: motivation. A reasonable motive lessens the severity of the crime. In a cannibalism case, there is one factor that is more or less prevalent throughout: people are delicious and nutritious. “A young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricasie, or a ragoust.” (Swift). Jonathan Swift knew that people even at a young age made excellent meals. A person who simply murders someone is wasting more than just a life, if you murder someone there are many things that you can do with the corpse to be less wasteful about it. “Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may flea the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed, will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.” (Swift). Famous ‘50’s serial killer Ed Gein was famous for not only making clothes out of his victims, but furniture and jewelry as well. This obviously is a large part of the leniency: they don’t waste anything by killing and eating their victims.
There are, of course, many reasons why they should not be given leniency. Many religious texts, which clearly make up the basis for most, if not all, of society’s most basic laws, feel that cannibalism is very wrong. “But you shall not eat flesh with its life, that is, its blood. Surely for your lifeblood I will demand a reckoning; from the hand of every beast I will require it, and from the hand of man. From the hand of every man’s brother I will require the life of man. Whoever sheds man’s blood, by man his blood shall be shed; for in the image of God He made man" (NIV Genisis 9 1-6). This is basically saying not to eat someone alive. Also, God makes it very clear that man has dominion over all animals and that is why he is allowed to eat them. However, God also makes it very clear that man is made in his image so to consume something that was made in God’s own image would no doubt be a more heinous crime than murder. It is true that there is no specific bible verse saying ‘thou shalt not eat the flesh of man’ or any variation of that. However, the Bible shows cannibalism as a last resort. Something someone would only do if they had no other choice. Also, God seems to use it as a punishment. “Therefore in your midst fathers will eat their children, and children will eat their fathers. I will inflict punishment on you and will scatter all your survivors to the winds.” (NIV Ezekiel 5:10). God never explicitly says in the Bible that cannibalism is wrong however, this is generally explained by the fact that it is something so painfully obvious that it is one of the worst crimes that you can commit, that God felt that he didn’t need to say it.
I will be the first to admit that cannibalism is wrong. To eat another human being is something that should only be done when the consequences allow for no other choice. Murder is also one of the worst crimes someone can commit. A person taking the life of another person for a reason other than self-defense or combat is a shameless waste of what could have been a fruitful and rich human life. However, the combination of the two, must lead to leniency for the offender. However, in determining whether or not a cannibalistic murderer should receive leniency, because he ate his victims, one must fully establish what leniency should mean. According to deathpenaltyfact.org, as of right now, 35 of the 50 American states practice capital punishment. 15 States, as well as Washington DC, abolished the death penalty between 1853 and 2009. Since murder almost always results in the death penalty for the 35 states that practice it, the 35 states that practice the death penalty would execute the cannibalistic murderers while the 15 who do not would imprison them for life. I propose this: if a person has killed and eaten a victim entirely, then they should only serve a prison sentence of up to 60 years with the possibility of parole in 50 years. If a person only partially consumes his victim, then they must serve a prison sentence of up to 80 years with the possibility of parole in 60 years. So basically, the rule would be that the more that you waste when you murder someone, the longer your prison sentence and the longer that you have to wait before you are eligible for parole. This new law would be an incentive law. If a person must murder than they can get less jail time if they eat their victim. It can also be used as a deterrence law. If a person wants to avoid death or life in jail then they will have to eat their victim. The hope is that people will know that they would have to eat the person that they murdered and would then hopefully avoid it altogether. This would also be a law that would be decided on a state-by-state basis. Each state would vote on it just like the death penalty.
Despite all of the social and religious taboos that cannibalism carries, I feel that it should be grounds for leniency in murder trials. The fact that it means less waste for everyone is something that we should reward the criminal for. It lessens the financial burden of the family of the victim, people are delicious and nutritious, and they can be fashioned into things like clothing and furniture. Also, a law in the favor of cannibals would both help the convicted cannibals in return for the small service done to the victim’s family and society and it would more than likely help deter future killings because people would know that to get an easier sentence, they would need to consume their victims, something that would disgust most people. I know that cannibalism is very wrong, but it can potentially be a beneficial evil. If only ever so slightly. So, while Calvin never got to discuss his topic and was punished for even bringing it up, he can take comfort in the fact that now, he has strong support of his argument. Yes, it is a touchy subject and one that I’m sure we would all rather avoid altogether. But, the facts cannot be ignored.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
The origins of Me
As you all know I am called Lord Naseby I have been going by that Pen Name for about 2 years now. But what does it mean? Where does that come from?
Well, guess no longer.
First off let's look at Naseby. Naseby is a name dating back to Oliver Cromwell. Or at least, that's when the name first had significance for me. See when I was younger I hard a Monty Python song called Oliver Cromwell. It was basically about Cromwell's rise to power over Charles I.
Anyway I During the song one particular line stuck out to me
Was at first only MP for Huntingdon but then he led the Ironside cavalry as Mars ton Moor in 1644 and won
Then he founded the New Model Army and praise be! Beat the Cavilers at Naseby.
well I liked the word Naseby so much that I decided to make it my pen name. I added 'Lord' to it because I thought that it sounded cool and I figured that names cannot be copyrighted.
Anyway there you have it. I am of course not actually Lord Naseby, there is a real Lord Naseby and this is him
(P.S. I'm cooler than him)
Of course I am a real person too. This is what I look like in real life
Well, guess no longer.
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| Oliver Cromwell |
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| King Charles I |
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| Monty Python |
Anyway I During the song one particular line stuck out to me
Was at first only MP for Huntingdon but then he led the Ironside cavalry as Mars ton Moor in 1644 and won
Then he founded the New Model Army and praise be! Beat the Cavilers at Naseby.
well I liked the word Naseby so much that I decided to make it my pen name. I added 'Lord' to it because I thought that it sounded cool and I figured that names cannot be copyrighted.
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| Here is Naseby on a map |
Anyway there you have it. I am of course not actually Lord Naseby, there is a real Lord Naseby and this is him
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| The actual Lord Naseby...actually, technically he is Baron Naseby |
(P.S. I'm cooler than him)
Of course I am a real person too. This is what I look like in real life
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| This is a picture of me last Halloween |
My review of 10 Things I Hate About You
Well I'm in a theater in film class and we are looking at The Taming of the Shrew so guess why we're watching this...
Acting/Characters: You pretty much have all of your stereotypical characters in this one: Jocks, nerds, bad boy with a heart of gold, attractive girl whom the guy wants but can't get until the end, best friend of the guy and the girl (separate people) the well meaning but overbearing father who has a heart-to-heart with his kid at the end etc. Although I can't judge too harshly because most of the characters are counterparts of people in the original. But still, try to make them less stereotypical. In terms of performances, I think that they were pretty much all the same as the aforementioned stereotypes. No real variation. I did kinda like Heath Ledger's performance. To me ever movie I see him in outside of the Dark Knight makes his performance in said movie even better. But overall there was nothing outstanding. Not too much to complain about either. 5/10
Plot: Even if it wasn't The Taming of the Shrew, I could guess exactly what was going to happen next and I would be totally right. In terms of the Shakespeare stuff, they actually deviated from it enough to be annoying. Only some basic plot elements and names had anything to do with the play So I don't even know why they call it Shakespeare. It was a typical teen rom-com with some Shakespeare undertones. 3.5/10
Screenplay: I actually found myself laughing at a few lines which was nice. My favorite one was "I heard he ate a live duck once"
"everything but the beak and feet"
If they had any Shakespearean lines then it was very 'nudge nudge wink wink' about them. Pretty much because they always said it was Shakespeare. I dunno. Basically the gist that I got from the film was "We're a teen comedy but look how smart we are for adding Shakespeare to it." 5.5/10
Likableness: I kinda liked it. At the very least I was entertained by it. It had its ups and its downs but in terms of teen movies, you could do a lot worse. A LOT worse. 6/10
Final Score: 20/40 50% (M)
TRIVIA TIME: 1. The school used in film is Stadium High School, Tacoma, Washington. The school was first built as a grand, chateau-style railroad station hotel but after it suffered fire damage, was renovated into a high school.
2. Kat Straford is excited she got into Sarah Lawrence College. In reality, Larisa Oleynik who played Bianca Stratford really went to Sarah Lawrence College.
3. Cameron's name, Cameron James, is a play on the name of a famous director, James Cameron.
Acting/Characters: You pretty much have all of your stereotypical characters in this one: Jocks, nerds, bad boy with a heart of gold, attractive girl whom the guy wants but can't get until the end, best friend of the guy and the girl (separate people) the well meaning but overbearing father who has a heart-to-heart with his kid at the end etc. Although I can't judge too harshly because most of the characters are counterparts of people in the original. But still, try to make them less stereotypical. In terms of performances, I think that they were pretty much all the same as the aforementioned stereotypes. No real variation. I did kinda like Heath Ledger's performance. To me ever movie I see him in outside of the Dark Knight makes his performance in said movie even better. But overall there was nothing outstanding. Not too much to complain about either. 5/10
Plot: Even if it wasn't The Taming of the Shrew, I could guess exactly what was going to happen next and I would be totally right. In terms of the Shakespeare stuff, they actually deviated from it enough to be annoying. Only some basic plot elements and names had anything to do with the play So I don't even know why they call it Shakespeare. It was a typical teen rom-com with some Shakespeare undertones. 3.5/10
Screenplay: I actually found myself laughing at a few lines which was nice. My favorite one was "I heard he ate a live duck once"
"everything but the beak and feet"
If they had any Shakespearean lines then it was very 'nudge nudge wink wink' about them. Pretty much because they always said it was Shakespeare. I dunno. Basically the gist that I got from the film was "We're a teen comedy but look how smart we are for adding Shakespeare to it." 5.5/10
Likableness: I kinda liked it. At the very least I was entertained by it. It had its ups and its downs but in terms of teen movies, you could do a lot worse. A LOT worse. 6/10
Final Score: 20/40 50% (M)
TRIVIA TIME: 1. The school used in film is Stadium High School, Tacoma, Washington. The school was first built as a grand, chateau-style railroad station hotel but after it suffered fire damage, was renovated into a high school.
2. Kat Straford is excited she got into Sarah Lawrence College. In reality, Larisa Oleynik who played Bianca Stratford really went to Sarah Lawrence College.
3. Cameron's name, Cameron James, is a play on the name of a famous director, James Cameron.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Just a thought...
We all know that there is a big debate raging over the issue of illegal immigration with Mexico to the US. every day, hundreds of illegal immigrants cross the border into our country. There has been much debate over what to do but I think I have finally come up with a solution that will appease all sides and will benefit both the US and Mexico.
I propose the immediate annexation of Mexico.
many arguments for letting illegal immigrants into the country are things such as "they have a hard life and they are looking for a better one here" "they make good workers and do the jobs most Americans are unwilling to do" and so on and so forth. well, we get to keep those benefits by annexing Mexico.
Yes it will be a lengthy bureaucratic nightmare I know that but I feel that it is necessary for everyone if we just annex Mexico. I know that we have a lot of problems of our own, but as the most powerful country in the world it is our God given right to A. police the world and B. help everyone! If a country is down in the dumps we should take full responsibility for that country's welfare. we should start in our own backyards and annex Mexico.
But why stop there? as I mentioned before, as the most powerful country we should be responsible for everyone. So I propose a system that I think should help determine nicely which countries should become our next dozen states. If a country has an unemployment rate of 30 per cent or more and 1/3rd of the population below the poverty line, they should be immediately annexed by us. If they have a mad dictator in power we should overthrow the dictator and annex the country so they can have a democracy: ours.
I think that this works out for the best. They get the good American life, we have to help them because they are now Americans, we get their resources and so on. regrettably this makes civil war more likely for example if the State of Iraq and the State of India start fighting we would have to send troops from the State of Florida, the state of Haiti and the state of Mexico to stop them and then things get ugly.
So that is my proposal. despite all of our own problems, we should make the problems of all the downtrodden countries in the world our problem. And who knows? annexing all of the third world countries may solve a lot of our other problems as well. It would be beneficial to all.
I propose the immediate annexation of Mexico.
many arguments for letting illegal immigrants into the country are things such as "they have a hard life and they are looking for a better one here" "they make good workers and do the jobs most Americans are unwilling to do" and so on and so forth. well, we get to keep those benefits by annexing Mexico.
Yes it will be a lengthy bureaucratic nightmare I know that but I feel that it is necessary for everyone if we just annex Mexico. I know that we have a lot of problems of our own, but as the most powerful country in the world it is our God given right to A. police the world and B. help everyone! If a country is down in the dumps we should take full responsibility for that country's welfare. we should start in our own backyards and annex Mexico.
But why stop there? as I mentioned before, as the most powerful country we should be responsible for everyone. So I propose a system that I think should help determine nicely which countries should become our next dozen states. If a country has an unemployment rate of 30 per cent or more and 1/3rd of the population below the poverty line, they should be immediately annexed by us. If they have a mad dictator in power we should overthrow the dictator and annex the country so they can have a democracy: ours.
I think that this works out for the best. They get the good American life, we have to help them because they are now Americans, we get their resources and so on. regrettably this makes civil war more likely for example if the State of Iraq and the State of India start fighting we would have to send troops from the State of Florida, the state of Haiti and the state of Mexico to stop them and then things get ugly.
So that is my proposal. despite all of our own problems, we should make the problems of all the downtrodden countries in the world our problem. And who knows? annexing all of the third world countries may solve a lot of our other problems as well. It would be beneficial to all.
My review of When A Stranger Calls (1979)
This one wasn't really a slasher it was more of a... I don't really know what it is. It isn't a horror film and it isn't a slasher film it isn't anything that it says it is really. Anyway the story behind this is I went to go see a play called Scary Musical and the whole thing was just one inside joke and reference for horror fans so I had to watch a horror movie. This was one of the big ones that was referenced and the only one I hadn't seen so yeah, I watched this.
On another note, This one will not be as creative as my review of T3. If I get another good idea for an original review I will utilize it. Sorry.
Well, I must give the film props for keeping an urban legend alive far longer than it probably would have otherwise. And if the whole movie had been just like the first 23 minutes, this one would have gotten 98% on RT (there's always one...) and would be lauded as one of the greatest horror films of all time. As it is, the first 23 minutes is only 1/5th of the film so it goes downhill very fast from there.
I'm not gonna do my regular structure for this because the movie is styled in a way that I can't. At the very least, I would be repeating myself.
as I mentioned before, if the whole movie was just the first 23 minutes, it would be lauded as one of the greatest horror films of all time. It is an absolutely fantastic scene. One of the best opening scenes I have seen for a horror film. It is deservedly iconic. But...That's the last shred of quality that this film has. The film then drastically changes genres. it goes from an excellent horror film to a chase movie. Kinda like The French Connection or Soylent Green or something. It isn't horror. Then in the last 15 minutes it changes back to horror but by then, no one cares anymore. It isn't scary. Overall, this film is kinda like a reverse Sleepaway Camp: It has a great Beginning that everyone loves and then it dies...that's it (as opposed to Sleepaway Camp which starts dead then has an iconic ending everyone loves).
So, my overall advice is this: watch the first 23 minutes and shut this off and pretend that there isn't anything else to the movie. If you do that it will become a favorite horror film of yours. If you don't like to leave things unfinished, well, you're in for a pretty crappy film.
Final Score: 8/40 20% (S)
TRIVIA TIME: 1. Star Tony Beckley was terminally ill throughout the production and passed away just after the principle photography was shot. Director Fred Walton dedicated the film's 1993 sequel 'When A Stranger Calls Back' to the memory of Beckley.
2. Fred Walton originally shot this film as a short entitled 'The Sitter', which was essentially the opening 20 minutes of 'When A Stranger Calls'. However after the huge success of Halloween Walton saw the potential of expanding the short into a full-length feature. The script was then expanded into a feature length film about the pursuit of the villain.
3. The character of the disturbed killer was based on a college acquaintance of director Fred Walton who somehow could just enter a room and automatically make others in the room uncomfortable.
On another note, This one will not be as creative as my review of T3. If I get another good idea for an original review I will utilize it. Sorry.
Well, I must give the film props for keeping an urban legend alive far longer than it probably would have otherwise. And if the whole movie had been just like the first 23 minutes, this one would have gotten 98% on RT (there's always one...) and would be lauded as one of the greatest horror films of all time. As it is, the first 23 minutes is only 1/5th of the film so it goes downhill very fast from there.
I'm not gonna do my regular structure for this because the movie is styled in a way that I can't. At the very least, I would be repeating myself.
as I mentioned before, if the whole movie was just the first 23 minutes, it would be lauded as one of the greatest horror films of all time. It is an absolutely fantastic scene. One of the best opening scenes I have seen for a horror film. It is deservedly iconic. But...That's the last shred of quality that this film has. The film then drastically changes genres. it goes from an excellent horror film to a chase movie. Kinda like The French Connection or Soylent Green or something. It isn't horror. Then in the last 15 minutes it changes back to horror but by then, no one cares anymore. It isn't scary. Overall, this film is kinda like a reverse Sleepaway Camp: It has a great Beginning that everyone loves and then it dies...that's it (as opposed to Sleepaway Camp which starts dead then has an iconic ending everyone loves).
So, my overall advice is this: watch the first 23 minutes and shut this off and pretend that there isn't anything else to the movie. If you do that it will become a favorite horror film of yours. If you don't like to leave things unfinished, well, you're in for a pretty crappy film.
Final Score: 8/40 20% (S)
TRIVIA TIME: 1. Star Tony Beckley was terminally ill throughout the production and passed away just after the principle photography was shot. Director Fred Walton dedicated the film's 1993 sequel 'When A Stranger Calls Back' to the memory of Beckley.
2. Fred Walton originally shot this film as a short entitled 'The Sitter', which was essentially the opening 20 minutes of 'When A Stranger Calls'. However after the huge success of Halloween Walton saw the potential of expanding the short into a full-length feature. The script was then expanded into a feature length film about the pursuit of the villain.
3. The character of the disturbed killer was based on a college acquaintance of director Fred Walton who somehow could just enter a room and automatically make others in the room uncomfortable.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
My review of Terminator 3- Rise of the Machines (With deepest apologies to Edgar Allen Poe. Happy Birthday Mr. Poe)
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious movie of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my dorm room door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my dorm room door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my movies surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Terminator -
For the rare and Indestructible machine whom James Cameron named the Terminator -
Tarnished here for evermore.
And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my dorm room door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my dorm room door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my dorm room door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Terminator!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Terminator!'
Merely this and nothing more.
Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'
Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my dorm room door -
Perched upon a bust of Hitchcock just above my dorm room door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me why did they make this horrible Terminator?!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
should ever see this horrible Terminator -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'
But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have seen this movie -
On the morrow its existence will be proven a bad dream.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'
Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'
But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a bean bag chair in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!
Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from memories of The third Terminator!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this bad Terminator!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
I know they make a fourth - tell me - tell me, I implore! WILL THEY STOP AT FOUR!?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall forget a tainted movie the producers call The third Terminator? -
Forget a bad and evil movie that taints its predecessors. Will I forget the third Terminator?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my sadness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Hitchcock just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!
and they're making a fifth one. crap.
Over many a quaint and curious movie of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my dorm room door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my dorm room door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my movies surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Terminator -
For the rare and Indestructible machine whom James Cameron named the Terminator -
Tarnished here for evermore.
And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my dorm room door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my dorm room door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my dorm room door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Terminator!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Terminator!'
Merely this and nothing more.
Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'
Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my dorm room door -
Perched upon a bust of Hitchcock just above my dorm room door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me why did they make this horrible Terminator?!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
should ever see this horrible Terminator -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'
But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have seen this movie -
On the morrow its existence will be proven a bad dream.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'
Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'
But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a bean bag chair in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!
Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from memories of The third Terminator!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this bad Terminator!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
I know they make a fourth - tell me - tell me, I implore! WILL THEY STOP AT FOUR!?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall forget a tainted movie the producers call The third Terminator? -
Forget a bad and evil movie that taints its predecessors. Will I forget the third Terminator?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my sadness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Hitchcock just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!
and they're making a fifth one. crap.
 | |||||
| Poor James Cameron. They're ruining The terminator with 4 more sequels. |
 |
| Happy Birthday Mr. Poe. sorry I ruined your poem. |
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
My 15 Favorite Simpsons Characters
Recently I've been going through all of the seasons of The Simpsons and there are a lot of characters that I highly enjoy. Well, here is my top 15 Simpsons characters.
15.Colonel Tex O'Hara AKA The Rich Texan
I enjoy the character pretty much because every sentence ends with YEE-HAAW followed by emptying the chambers of his two pistols in the air. Not thrilled about the Republican stuff (the show portrays them as very evil people) But he is an incredibly entertaining character to watch.
"Son I'm glad I made the list and as a thank you gift, I'M GONNA DRILL FOR OIL IN YOUR STATE YEE HAW!" *unloads guns in the air*
#14 Moe Szyslak
Local bartender type. Unlucky in love. Often mistaken for various things such as a troll, goblin, weasel or the like. The best bits are when Bart prank calls Moe and Moe falls for it every time. I also enjoy the fact that despite his huge crush on Marge (that goes so far as to him showing up at Homer's house whenever the two have a falling out in hopes of getting Marge) he always calls her 'Midge'. Things just never work out for him but he is interesting to watch.
"Hello I'm calling for Lord last name Naseby"
"Oh no ya don't I ain't fallin' for one of those tricks again"
*dial tone*
"... I really was"
#13 Superintendent Gary Chalmers
Coming in at #13 we have superintendent Chalmurs. oops I misspelled that it's really...uh-oh, too late
"NAAAAASEBYYYYYY!!"
"Ah Superintendent Chalmers I didn't mean to misspell your name I uh he-he...well, I have you on this list of the best characters sir"
"I'm well aware of that Naseby. Now if you'll excuse me I have to inspect SKIIINEEEER's madhouse he calls a school. I'm sure to be disappointed by SKIIINNNEERR's lack of control"
"he-eh right sir"
Well, the bits between Chalmers and Skinner are the best with this character. I love that no matter the context, he is always yelling Skinner's name.
#12 Nedward "Ned" Flanders Jr.
"Well Howdilly doodilly Lord Nasebe-rino I see I'm on the list and I'm honored but you shouldn't call yourself Lord Naseby because the only Lord around here is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ"
"right, right, Shut up Flanders"
"Okelly Dokelly"
Ned Flanders, the single most recognized Evangelical Christian in the world. His nonsensical words like Diddly in his sentences make his character enjoyable. He is also the Devil in the Treehouse of Horror episodes (It's always the one you least expect). His unconditional liking of the Simpsons family even when confronted with Homer's hatred of him (what you think I invented the phrase "Shut up Flanders" just for this blog)? His theology is sometimes questionable but he is easily one of the best characters on the show.
#11. Melvin "Sideshow Mel" Van Horne Despite the fact that he used the slide whistle as a form of communication in the early years, he never really does it now and instead speaks in a grandiose Shakespearean accent. He is usually the one who gets the mob going whenever the Springfieldians are angry about something. A much more faithful sidekick than Sideshow Bob. I like him because of his accent mainly and how he is easily one of the most intelligent characters on the show but you rarely see that because of how dominant Krusty is.
"Look!!! The blog is not yet finished!!! who shall come next in this struggle for popularity in this one man's eyes!!?!?"
"Uh...well Melvin I suppose you'll just have to scroll down and find out"
"To the middle mouse button!!!"
"Right. Okay"
#10. Charles Montgomery Plantagenet Shicklgruber "Monty" Burns/Waylon Smithers Jr.
I decided to do them both in one spot because they really are a pair and you don't really get one without the other (most of the time plus I only have 15 spots). I really enjoy seeing the chemistry between these two. Smithers is the ever loyal assistant to Burns and Burns continuously fails to even acknowledge it most of the time (he even fails to add Smithers to his will but he gave Smithers the 'honor' of being buried next to Burns when Burns died. Did I mention that Smithers didn't need to be dead for that to happen)? some of the best parts are when Burns is completely oblivious to the fact that Smithers is gay and on top of that in love with Burns. "I'm quite happy here, quite gay, why, I'll bet Smithers doesn't even know the meaning of the word gay" However he seems to have obtained some clue as to Smithers' homosexuality as shown in a later season episode where Smithers catches on fire and says to Burns "Mr. Burns I'm flaming!" Prompting Burns to look at the camera with a very "yes yes we all get the joke" type of look on his face. Among the other priceless moments are when Burns is continually shown to be very weak and simple things like lifting a dollar bill tip him over. Also I love whenever references to his age are made. For example, Lisa finds an old diary from the early 1860s and it mentions a Mr. Burns and Burns says "I haven't heard my father's name in years" or when Smithers tells him that the employees are fighting like Iran and Iraq and Burns looks at him blankly and Smithers changes it to 'Persia and Mesopotamia"
"Smithers who is this man who's rambling on about us?"
"that's Lord Naseby sir one of the brightest film minds of his generation"
"Naseby 'eh? I tire of him, release the hounds"
*Dogs barking*
"YAAAAAHHHH!!!! GET AWAY SHOO BAD DOGS NO DON'T BITE BAD DOGS BAD DOGS!!!"
"Hounds released sir"
'Eeexcellent"
#9. Marjorie "Marge" Simpson nee Bouvier
Well I finally got to an actual Simpson finally. Marge is the epitome of caring wife and mother. Her job in the Simpsons family is the hardest of all. Taking care of that bunch would have to be. She has to take care of her kids, deal with Homer and all of his antics and keep the peace between Homer and her sisters Patty and Selma. She's pretty much a stereotypical Sitcom mother. Except for the fact that she's a Simpson. Despite everything that she has to do she manages to keep her sanity intact (kind of...most of the time) which is impressive. Her attempts to keep everything under control are impressive. She's a lot of fun to watch.
"Mr. Naseby? I washed your dishes, made lunch for you for tomorrow, cleaned your car, edited your blog up to this point and I HOMER STOP USING THE CAT AS A TENNIS RACKET BART GET YOUR SISTER'S SAXOPHONE OUT OF THE OVEN AND APOLOGIZE LISA CAN YOU GET THE DOG OUT OF THE TV MAGGIE PUT THAT SHOTGUN DOWN WHY DO WE HAVE A SHOTGUN?"
"MOM BART HASN'T GIVEN ME MY SAXOPHONE BACK AND HE'S MAKING FACES AT ME"
"AM NOT"
"ARE TOO"
"AM NOT"
ARE TOO"
"STOP IT ALL OF YOU CAN'T WE ALL RELAX FOR JUST ONE MINUTE!" *sigh* we're going to Krusty Burger I don't wanna cook tonight"
*Family drives away*
"...when did I get a car?"
#8. Homer Jay Simpson
The protagonist of the show comes in at #8. I think what I like Homer most is when he is interacting with Bart. He rarely calls Bart by his name instead simply calling him 'boy'. Then of course there are the times when he strangles Bart. While I don't support child abuse in this case it is hilarious. Of course, nothing beats his catrfease..I mean catchfrase... I mean... DO'H!" I also love it when he imagines what a character is saying usually literally then his mind wanders a bit more. For instance, if I said "I'm gonna go Ice Fishing" He would imagine me fishing for fish made of ice before he imagined the ice fish taking over South Central California. Ice fish taking over California is impossible for several reasons but there you go. But for all of his faults, he tries. He really does try. He often fails and makes things worse but his family still loves him at the end of the day and that has made for some superb episodes.
"...So wait...why couldn't the Ice fish take over California?"
"Uh Homer, California gets really really hot and the ice fish would melt"
"Maybe...But maybe they could use ENVIROSUITS!!!"
"That and Ice fish aren't real."
"DO'H"
#7. Bartholomew "Bart" Jojo Simpson
Bart is the kid that despite ourselves, we wish we could all be. Even for a brief moment. He's cool, his actions rarely have any major consequences, he pretty much runs the school as he has a lot of control over Skinner. His "eat my shorts" attitude is one that we all love. We all have a little Bart Simpson in us. Of all of the characters he is probably my favorite to see getting into extreme situations particularly when Sideshow Bob is involved. Plus, I absolutely love all of the chalkboard stuff at the beginning. Classic stuff.
"Hey Bart, I'm gonna go get a drink and maybe check my mail, would you wait here and make sure that no one messes with my blog"
"Sure man"
"Now that he's gone what should I write? Maybe I should call Milhouse and ask him. naah. he never has any good ideas"
I"M A BIG FAT DUMB DUMMY SIGNED LORD NASEBY"
"Alright I'm back thanks for HEY WAIT WHAT DID YOU DO!?!?!"
*Bart Laughs*
#6. Robert Underdunk "Sideshow Bob" Terwilliger
Pretty much the best villain on the show. Period. His increasing attempts to kill Bart (later extended to the whole Simpson family but mainly Bart still) Get more elaborate and creative with each episode to the point where his whole family gets involved. His bother is named Cecil
His father is Robert
His mother is Judith
His wife is Francesca
His son is Gino (his son has a habit of pulling out butcher knives and yelling Vendetta! Vendetta! in regards to the Simpsons).
However, even though his plans are elaborate and each is grander than the last, he is continuously foiled by Bart and/or Lisa, or even himself with his evil genius ego. He is the best villain in Springfield. Plus his Palm Tree hair is hilarious.
'Excuse me good sir, would you mind suggesting to me a suitable catapult capable of launching a 50 pound payload of explosives upon a small 10 year old boy?"
"uuh, I wouldn't know anything about that, I'm not a weapons guy I'm a movie guy. But be careful, as Shakespeare said, "he who lives by the sword dies by the sword"
"OH that wasn't Shakespeare you blathering MORON!!! Why is everyone around me a total idiot!!"
"...I'm gonna go over here now"
#5. Reverend Timothy Lovejoy
Ya know, he just doesn't care. He did at one point but he just doesn't anymore. I like how he tries to get everyone else to care but really he is annoyed with them all particularly Flanders. He specializes in fire and Brimstone sermons and manages to make them sound boring. While I sometimes disagree with his theology "you know Ned have you tried any of the other major religions they're all pretty much the same" He is still interesting. I also highly enjoy it when he is shown in his basement playing with his toy trains with his cleric uniform on and a conductors hat. it's just hilarious. My favorite trait of his has got to be how he over-enunciates the last letter of most of his sentences.
"And so Mr. Naseby, Jesuzzuh ascended into the clouds after he died to forgive us or our sinzzuh."
"Yeah I know"
"Now I must go. Helen is in the car waiting and I want to play with my trains before dinnerruh."
"Right...right"
#4. Lisa Marie Simpson
Lisa is easily the most sane member of the Simpsons family even more so than Marge at times. She is very into nature and saving the animals/vegetarian stuff. She is also the one with the strongest set of morals in the family. She is probably the most relateable member of the family. We all know a Lisa. It is really interesting to see when she clashes with the rest of the family and I'm not just talking Bart (although those are often the most priceless moments of the show particularly one episode where Bart was driving a pedal car and Lisa was riding shotgun and they were acting like the stereotypical husband/wife 'husband's lost but he won't ask for directions' kind of thing). What I'm talking about is when she drastically opposes them such as when she converts to Buddhism. (she isn't the only family member to pull away form Rev. Lovejoy's church. Bart and Homer are Catholic leaving only Maggie and Marge as real members). I also highly enjoy how she is the (often ignored) voice of reason for the whole town and most of the lessons the town learns are from her.
"Mr. Naseby why are you eating that burger? Don't you know what they do to those poor cows? You can survive perfectly well eating only fruits and vegetables"
"Well a nice juicy burger with cheese, lettuce and pickles is one of my favorite foods! I love it!"
"here's a video showing what they do to those poor helpless animals"
*watch the video*
"Crap whay did you show me that? I can never look at a burger the same way again"
*with a sly smile* "You could have avoided all of this if you had just bought some band candy in the first place"
"No dice"
"Mr. Naseby why are you eating those ribs? Don't you know what.."
"Okay okay I'll buy some band candy"
#3. Professor John Nerdelboum Frink
Professor Frink is just an oddball. His odd nonsensical random spurts of gibberish never fail to amuse me. Also, his strange inventions (that are especially excellent in the non-canon no holds barred Treehouse of Horror episodes) which have odd applications are really fun to see. frankly he's just plain mad. There is no other way to put it he's a total mad scientist. His inventions usually don't work, aren't given much attention, or backfire horribly. He's one of the best characters I've seen on TV period.
"So Mr. Naseby I'd like to present to you my latest invention it's a FIIIlm that CHAAANgees every time you watch it it would have particular effeeeectiveness in horror with the HOYVIN-GLAVIN and the MONSTERS popping out of a new corner each time with the GLAYVIN and the box office receipts"
"...I don't even know if that was a sentence much less what he said"
#2. William "Groundskeeper Willie" McDougal
From attempting to make the school look nice despite the antics of the kids, to substituting for a French teacher wearing a stereotypical french outfit and a beret famously quiping "BONJUUURRRR Ya cheese eatin' surrender monkeys" to contested stories about where he is from and what his past was like "I was in a mine collapse and no one made it out alive NOT EVEN WILLIE!!" His best moments are pretty much whenever he is on screen. Washing, observing everything, fighting Bart, working with Skinner it is all absolutely hilarious. He just barely missed out on the top spot frankly.
'So you're called Nasebeh, tha's an AINGLISH Neem. I HAATE the Ainglish."
"Uh yes it is an English name. it's one of the spots where Cromwell beat the Roundheads, but it's just a pen name really."
"Alrright, But Willie will be watchin' ya!"
And finally, the moment you have all been waiting for My #1 favorite Simpsons character is!!!
Be patient it's coming
Almost there
Jeez even I'm getting impatient
#1 is
Margaret "Maggie" Simpson
She never really talks (out side of a few occasions and then her words have only been said one time: Ja, Daddy, and Daddily Doodly)
One of the things that I like most about Maggie is that she is incredibly aware of everything that goes on around her. To the point where she can imitate it sometimes. Being a baby there's not much else she can do but observe. There are times where she acts like a baby but there are other times when she acts like an adult. But the thing that I probably like most of all about Maggie is her kind of violent nature. She's not like a homicidal baby or anything but she will readily defend herself if she needs to (case and point, the Simpsons movie. Krusty tells Mr. Teeny to "take out the baby" and he smashes her bottle on the stairs to make a weapon out of it) Plus she seems to own a variety of guns including (but more than likely not limited to) a rifle she hides in her crib, and a double barreled shotgun that she points at Mr. Burns during a Season 22 episode. she knows how to use the guns too. She is an excellent marksman. she sniped mobsters (non fatally) in rapid succession from her room. And that, is why she is my favorite Simpson character.
"So Maggie, you have guns then?"
*sucks on pacifier pulls rifle out of crib, shotgun out of closet, unzips the back of one of her stuffed animals and pulls out a 44 Magnum, reaches under dresser and pulls out dual Desert Eagles.*
"...wow. I'm not really sure what to say, are you sure a baby should be carrying guns?"
*Maggie looks mad and points Desert Eagles*
"Okay okay just asking"
*Maggie smiles and claps cooing happily*
Well there you go. Those are my 15 favorite Simpsons characters. Surprised? Angry? Indifferent? Indignant? Eeh who cares Smithers! release the hounds!!
Yes, that's what I meant Smithers. That's totally what I meant.
I enjoy the character pretty much because every sentence ends with YEE-HAAW followed by emptying the chambers of his two pistols in the air. Not thrilled about the Republican stuff (the show portrays them as very evil people) But he is an incredibly entertaining character to watch.
"Son I'm glad I made the list and as a thank you gift, I'M GONNA DRILL FOR OIL IN YOUR STATE YEE HAW!" *unloads guns in the air*
Local bartender type. Unlucky in love. Often mistaken for various things such as a troll, goblin, weasel or the like. The best bits are when Bart prank calls Moe and Moe falls for it every time. I also enjoy the fact that despite his huge crush on Marge (that goes so far as to him showing up at Homer's house whenever the two have a falling out in hopes of getting Marge) he always calls her 'Midge'. Things just never work out for him but he is interesting to watch.
"Hello I'm calling for Lord last name Naseby"
"Oh no ya don't I ain't fallin' for one of those tricks again"
*dial tone*
"... I really was"
Coming in at #13 we have superintendent Chalmurs. oops I misspelled that it's really...uh-oh, too late
"NAAAAASEBYYYYYY!!"
"Ah Superintendent Chalmers I didn't mean to misspell your name I uh he-he...well, I have you on this list of the best characters sir"
"I'm well aware of that Naseby. Now if you'll excuse me I have to inspect SKIIINEEEER's madhouse he calls a school. I'm sure to be disappointed by SKIIINNNEERR's lack of control"
"he-eh right sir"
Well, the bits between Chalmers and Skinner are the best with this character. I love that no matter the context, he is always yelling Skinner's name.
"Well Howdilly doodilly Lord Nasebe-rino I see I'm on the list and I'm honored but you shouldn't call yourself Lord Naseby because the only Lord around here is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ"
"right, right, Shut up Flanders"
"Okelly Dokelly"
Ned Flanders, the single most recognized Evangelical Christian in the world. His nonsensical words like Diddly in his sentences make his character enjoyable. He is also the Devil in the Treehouse of Horror episodes (It's always the one you least expect). His unconditional liking of the Simpsons family even when confronted with Homer's hatred of him (what you think I invented the phrase "Shut up Flanders" just for this blog)? His theology is sometimes questionable but he is easily one of the best characters on the show.
"Look!!! The blog is not yet finished!!! who shall come next in this struggle for popularity in this one man's eyes!!?!?"
"Uh...well Melvin I suppose you'll just have to scroll down and find out"
"To the middle mouse button!!!"
"Right. Okay"
I decided to do them both in one spot because they really are a pair and you don't really get one without the other (most of the time plus I only have 15 spots). I really enjoy seeing the chemistry between these two. Smithers is the ever loyal assistant to Burns and Burns continuously fails to even acknowledge it most of the time (he even fails to add Smithers to his will but he gave Smithers the 'honor' of being buried next to Burns when Burns died. Did I mention that Smithers didn't need to be dead for that to happen)? some of the best parts are when Burns is completely oblivious to the fact that Smithers is gay and on top of that in love with Burns. "I'm quite happy here, quite gay, why, I'll bet Smithers doesn't even know the meaning of the word gay" However he seems to have obtained some clue as to Smithers' homosexuality as shown in a later season episode where Smithers catches on fire and says to Burns "Mr. Burns I'm flaming!" Prompting Burns to look at the camera with a very "yes yes we all get the joke" type of look on his face. Among the other priceless moments are when Burns is continually shown to be very weak and simple things like lifting a dollar bill tip him over. Also I love whenever references to his age are made. For example, Lisa finds an old diary from the early 1860s and it mentions a Mr. Burns and Burns says "I haven't heard my father's name in years" or when Smithers tells him that the employees are fighting like Iran and Iraq and Burns looks at him blankly and Smithers changes it to 'Persia and Mesopotamia"
"Smithers who is this man who's rambling on about us?"
"that's Lord Naseby sir one of the brightest film minds of his generation"
"Naseby 'eh? I tire of him, release the hounds"
*Dogs barking*
"YAAAAAHHHH!!!! GET AWAY SHOO BAD DOGS NO DON'T BITE BAD DOGS BAD DOGS!!!"
"Hounds released sir"
'Eeexcellent"
Well I finally got to an actual Simpson finally. Marge is the epitome of caring wife and mother. Her job in the Simpsons family is the hardest of all. Taking care of that bunch would have to be. She has to take care of her kids, deal with Homer and all of his antics and keep the peace between Homer and her sisters Patty and Selma. She's pretty much a stereotypical Sitcom mother. Except for the fact that she's a Simpson. Despite everything that she has to do she manages to keep her sanity intact (kind of...most of the time) which is impressive. Her attempts to keep everything under control are impressive. She's a lot of fun to watch.
"Mr. Naseby? I washed your dishes, made lunch for you for tomorrow, cleaned your car, edited your blog up to this point and I HOMER STOP USING THE CAT AS A TENNIS RACKET BART GET YOUR SISTER'S SAXOPHONE OUT OF THE OVEN AND APOLOGIZE LISA CAN YOU GET THE DOG OUT OF THE TV MAGGIE PUT THAT SHOTGUN DOWN WHY DO WE HAVE A SHOTGUN?"
"MOM BART HASN'T GIVEN ME MY SAXOPHONE BACK AND HE'S MAKING FACES AT ME"
"AM NOT"
"ARE TOO"
"AM NOT"
ARE TOO"
"STOP IT ALL OF YOU CAN'T WE ALL RELAX FOR JUST ONE MINUTE!" *sigh* we're going to Krusty Burger I don't wanna cook tonight"
*Family drives away*
"...when did I get a car?"
The protagonist of the show comes in at #8. I think what I like Homer most is when he is interacting with Bart. He rarely calls Bart by his name instead simply calling him 'boy'. Then of course there are the times when he strangles Bart. While I don't support child abuse in this case it is hilarious. Of course, nothing beats his catrfease..I mean catchfrase... I mean... DO'H!" I also love it when he imagines what a character is saying usually literally then his mind wanders a bit more. For instance, if I said "I'm gonna go Ice Fishing" He would imagine me fishing for fish made of ice before he imagined the ice fish taking over South Central California. Ice fish taking over California is impossible for several reasons but there you go. But for all of his faults, he tries. He really does try. He often fails and makes things worse but his family still loves him at the end of the day and that has made for some superb episodes.
"...So wait...why couldn't the Ice fish take over California?"
"Uh Homer, California gets really really hot and the ice fish would melt"
"Maybe...But maybe they could use ENVIROSUITS!!!"
"That and Ice fish aren't real."
"DO'H"
Bart is the kid that despite ourselves, we wish we could all be. Even for a brief moment. He's cool, his actions rarely have any major consequences, he pretty much runs the school as he has a lot of control over Skinner. His "eat my shorts" attitude is one that we all love. We all have a little Bart Simpson in us. Of all of the characters he is probably my favorite to see getting into extreme situations particularly when Sideshow Bob is involved. Plus, I absolutely love all of the chalkboard stuff at the beginning. Classic stuff.
"Hey Bart, I'm gonna go get a drink and maybe check my mail, would you wait here and make sure that no one messes with my blog"
"Sure man"
"Now that he's gone what should I write? Maybe I should call Milhouse and ask him. naah. he never has any good ideas"
I"M A BIG FAT DUMB DUMMY SIGNED LORD NASEBY"
"Alright I'm back thanks for HEY WAIT WHAT DID YOU DO!?!?!"
*Bart Laughs*
Pretty much the best villain on the show. Period. His increasing attempts to kill Bart (later extended to the whole Simpson family but mainly Bart still) Get more elaborate and creative with each episode to the point where his whole family gets involved. His bother is named Cecil
His father is Robert
His mother is Judith
His wife is Francesca
His son is Gino (his son has a habit of pulling out butcher knives and yelling Vendetta! Vendetta! in regards to the Simpsons).
However, even though his plans are elaborate and each is grander than the last, he is continuously foiled by Bart and/or Lisa, or even himself with his evil genius ego. He is the best villain in Springfield. Plus his Palm Tree hair is hilarious.
'Excuse me good sir, would you mind suggesting to me a suitable catapult capable of launching a 50 pound payload of explosives upon a small 10 year old boy?"
"uuh, I wouldn't know anything about that, I'm not a weapons guy I'm a movie guy. But be careful, as Shakespeare said, "he who lives by the sword dies by the sword"
"OH that wasn't Shakespeare you blathering MORON!!! Why is everyone around me a total idiot!!"
"...I'm gonna go over here now"
Ya know, he just doesn't care. He did at one point but he just doesn't anymore. I like how he tries to get everyone else to care but really he is annoyed with them all particularly Flanders. He specializes in fire and Brimstone sermons and manages to make them sound boring. While I sometimes disagree with his theology "you know Ned have you tried any of the other major religions they're all pretty much the same" He is still interesting. I also highly enjoy it when he is shown in his basement playing with his toy trains with his cleric uniform on and a conductors hat. it's just hilarious. My favorite trait of his has got to be how he over-enunciates the last letter of most of his sentences.
"And so Mr. Naseby, Jesuzzuh ascended into the clouds after he died to forgive us or our sinzzuh."
"Yeah I know"
"Now I must go. Helen is in the car waiting and I want to play with my trains before dinnerruh."
"Right...right"
Lisa is easily the most sane member of the Simpsons family even more so than Marge at times. She is very into nature and saving the animals/vegetarian stuff. She is also the one with the strongest set of morals in the family. She is probably the most relateable member of the family. We all know a Lisa. It is really interesting to see when she clashes with the rest of the family and I'm not just talking Bart (although those are often the most priceless moments of the show particularly one episode where Bart was driving a pedal car and Lisa was riding shotgun and they were acting like the stereotypical husband/wife 'husband's lost but he won't ask for directions' kind of thing). What I'm talking about is when she drastically opposes them such as when she converts to Buddhism. (she isn't the only family member to pull away form Rev. Lovejoy's church. Bart and Homer are Catholic leaving only Maggie and Marge as real members). I also highly enjoy how she is the (often ignored) voice of reason for the whole town and most of the lessons the town learns are from her.
"Mr. Naseby why are you eating that burger? Don't you know what they do to those poor cows? You can survive perfectly well eating only fruits and vegetables"
"Well a nice juicy burger with cheese, lettuce and pickles is one of my favorite foods! I love it!"
"here's a video showing what they do to those poor helpless animals"
*watch the video*
"Crap whay did you show me that? I can never look at a burger the same way again"
*with a sly smile* "You could have avoided all of this if you had just bought some band candy in the first place"
"No dice"
"Mr. Naseby why are you eating those ribs? Don't you know what.."
"Okay okay I'll buy some band candy"
Professor Frink is just an oddball. His odd nonsensical random spurts of gibberish never fail to amuse me. Also, his strange inventions (that are especially excellent in the non-canon no holds barred Treehouse of Horror episodes) which have odd applications are really fun to see. frankly he's just plain mad. There is no other way to put it he's a total mad scientist. His inventions usually don't work, aren't given much attention, or backfire horribly. He's one of the best characters I've seen on TV period.
"So Mr. Naseby I'd like to present to you my latest invention it's a FIIIlm that CHAAANgees every time you watch it it would have particular effeeeectiveness in horror with the HOYVIN-GLAVIN and the MONSTERS popping out of a new corner each time with the GLAYVIN and the box office receipts"
"...I don't even know if that was a sentence much less what he said"
From attempting to make the school look nice despite the antics of the kids, to substituting for a French teacher wearing a stereotypical french outfit and a beret famously quiping "BONJUUURRRR Ya cheese eatin' surrender monkeys" to contested stories about where he is from and what his past was like "I was in a mine collapse and no one made it out alive NOT EVEN WILLIE!!" His best moments are pretty much whenever he is on screen. Washing, observing everything, fighting Bart, working with Skinner it is all absolutely hilarious. He just barely missed out on the top spot frankly.
'So you're called Nasebeh, tha's an AINGLISH Neem. I HAATE the Ainglish."
"Uh yes it is an English name. it's one of the spots where Cromwell beat the Roundheads, but it's just a pen name really."
"Alrright, But Willie will be watchin' ya!"
And finally, the moment you have all been waiting for My #1 favorite Simpsons character is!!!
Be patient it's coming
Almost there
Jeez even I'm getting impatient
#1 is
She never really talks (out side of a few occasions and then her words have only been said one time: Ja, Daddy, and Daddily Doodly)
One of the things that I like most about Maggie is that she is incredibly aware of everything that goes on around her. To the point where she can imitate it sometimes. Being a baby there's not much else she can do but observe. There are times where she acts like a baby but there are other times when she acts like an adult. But the thing that I probably like most of all about Maggie is her kind of violent nature. She's not like a homicidal baby or anything but she will readily defend herself if she needs to (case and point, the Simpsons movie. Krusty tells Mr. Teeny to "take out the baby" and he smashes her bottle on the stairs to make a weapon out of it) Plus she seems to own a variety of guns including (but more than likely not limited to) a rifle she hides in her crib, and a double barreled shotgun that she points at Mr. Burns during a Season 22 episode. she knows how to use the guns too. She is an excellent marksman. she sniped mobsters (non fatally) in rapid succession from her room. And that, is why she is my favorite Simpson character.
"So Maggie, you have guns then?"
*sucks on pacifier pulls rifle out of crib, shotgun out of closet, unzips the back of one of her stuffed animals and pulls out a 44 Magnum, reaches under dresser and pulls out dual Desert Eagles.*
"...wow. I'm not really sure what to say, are you sure a baby should be carrying guns?"
*Maggie looks mad and points Desert Eagles*
"Okay okay just asking"
*Maggie smiles and claps cooing happily*
Well there you go. Those are my 15 favorite Simpsons characters. Surprised? Angry? Indifferent? Indignant? Eeh who cares Smithers! release the hounds!!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
My blog post that might be controversial and that has nothing to do with movies but I would rather post it here than on RT.
Recently I read a poster that was entitled 10 signs that you are an unquestioning Christian. Well, here is my rebuttal to that list.
#1. You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.
Rebuttal: It is true that some people feel "outraged" But that is not all of us. I am an open Christian and as long as people are polite about speaking their beliefs I don't get outraged nor does anyone I know. I only get mad when people like Richard Dawkins treats all non-evolutionists like children or people who are flat out stupid. I know that we don't always paint the best picture of ourselves and that depresses me. But, what no one seems to listen too, both Christians and Atheists, is that we are human too. As for denying the existence of other gods, what do you want us to do about that? Atheists vigorously deny the existence of any gods.
#2. You feel insulted and dehumanized when scientists say we evolved from lesser life forms but you have no problem with the biblical claim that we all were created from dirt.
Rebuttal: It's not so much dirt vs single celled organism, it's god created us vs no god and something as complex as life just appeared out of nothing. Everything that you see created out of one cell at the beginning? Also, God is God, he can create us out of anything he wants. If it was in his plan to create us out of diet soda and alarm clocks he could have. I'm being facetious here, if that's the right word, but yeah.
#3. You laugh at polytheists but have no problem believing in a trinity god.
Rebuttal: The closest that I can come is describing H2O. You have gas, liquid, and ice. It's still all H2O. God is the same way. You have the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. It's all still God.
#4. Your face turns purple when you hear of all of the atrocities attributed to Allah but you don't even flinch when you hear that God/Jehovah slaughtered all of the firstborn babies in Egypt in Exodus and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in Joshua including Women and Children and Animals.
Rebuttal: First off with the Egypt thing, It's not like God decided, "huh, you know I'm bored today lets slaughter all of the firstborn babies. alright lets spin the globe here...ah Egypt there you go! Boom! All of the firstborns dead. ah that was fun" If you actually read Exodus then you would discover that God gave the Egyptians chance after chance after chance for the Egyptians to release the Israelites from slavery. 10 chances to be exact. First Moses told Pharaoh to let them go or else there would be plagues and sure enough there were 9 plagues each getting steadily worse and still the Israelites were not freed and THEN and ONLY THEN did God do the Firstborn thing. As for the rest, in that time, it was very kill or be killed. would you rather have the Israelites just sit there naively hoping not to be destroyed? As for slaughtering whole cities, god only slaughtered people who were doing things like human sacrifices and stuff like that. Also, all of the people that God had the Israelites kill were people who repeatedly attacked the Israelites.
#5. You laugh at the Hindus that deify humans and the Greeks about Gods sleeping with women but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary who then gave birth to a Man-God who got killed and came back to life and ascended to the sky.
Rebuttal: Now, the Mary thing is one of the biggest misconceptions in the world. THE HOLY SPIRIT DID NOT I repeat DID NOT have sex with Mary to get her pregnant. That would completely destroy the whole idea of virgin birth. If God can create everything, then why can't he seem to get Mary pregnant without sex? As for the Jesus Man-God thing, we Christians don't believe that man became God, but that God became man. He was a man when he was on Earth. But In the bible it says things like "With the faith of a mustard seed you can move a mountain" and "through Him all things are possible" That's how Jesus performed his miracles (and he did exist by the way. you can find that in any textbook in the world).
#6. You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of the earth (4.45 billion years) but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents believing that the Earth is only a few generations old.
Rebuttal: How God sees time and how we see time are very different. I have no problem believing the Earth is billions of years old. I don't believe the whole 'few generations' stuff. Nor do most I know.
#7. You believe that all the population of this planet, with the exception of all of those who share your beliefs-excluding those of rival sects, will spend an infinite time being tortured in Hell, but you claim your religion to be the most tolerate and loving.
Rebuttal: You gotta pay for your sins not that you need to considering the fact that Jesus died for your sins which is the only way into heaven, just accepting that he did that. If you die without accepting that, well, what do you want God to do? No one is perfect. Gods standard is perfection. "for all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God" Jesus was perfect and he died for our sins. If someone took a bullet for you and you didn't accept that that would be horrible yes? Well, that's pretty much what Jesus did. as for rival sects, (AKA the whole Protestant/Catholic fight) As long as you truly believe that Jesus was the Messiah, you get into heaven. Baptists, Catholics, Lutherans, Methodists, it doesn't matter because the core belief is Jesus died for our sins. As for being tortured in hell, that's the punishment for sin. And honestly, no one is perfect anyone who says they are is lying. We all deserve hell we all deserve death but God via Jesus gave us that free "get out of hell" card so to speak.
#8. While modern science, physics, biology, history, and geology have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot on the floor rolling around speaking in tongues may be all the proof you need.
Rebuttal: First off, Modern science is a pretty flimsy thing. You look at what has been considered "Modern Science" 100s of years ago and think of what it will be in 100 years and think about how odds are people 100 years from now will look at what we've done as a stepping stone for them, but a lot of it they will laugh at and say "why did they think that?" As for History, that is the flimsiest thing ever. It is written by the victors and it is never all true. As for the "speaking in tongues" thing, It happens. Silly as it may sound to a lot of you people really do get filled with the holy spirit. But, It doesn't happen nearly as much as people might think. A lot of people fake it. Not all, but it is a very easy thing to fake. think about that. Also, it isn't "all the proof we need" people don't always look at that and go "well, now I believe in all of it" Yeah, that would be pretty flimsy.
#9. You define 0.01% success rate as "a high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider it to be evidence that prayer works. However, you attribute the other 99.9% of failed prayers to be "god's plan"
Rebuttal: It's true that not all prayers are granted. God is not a genie. Prayer isn't a type of 3 wishes thing. As for 0.01% success rate, It is much higher than that. God may be answering the prayer in a way that you don't notice until years later. Also, a lot of prayers may be selfish prayers and yes, some of them go counter to God's plan. He answers prayers much much much more than 0.01%. Like I said, he isn't an instant gratification genie type God.
#10. You actually know a lot less than most Atheists and Agnostics do about the bible, Christianity, and church history, but you still call yourself a Christian.
Rebuttal: Where did you get that fact? It is true that that can be the case, but the way that it is worded makes it sound like almost all of the Christians don't know anything about the bible but Atheists and Agnostics can recite the whole thing. Also, I know that Atheists cruise the bible looking for verses that conflict or that make us look bad, well first off, that goes back to the no one is perfect and sadly no all of us will admit that, but also, Atheists (and I have seen this time and time again) read the verses but they completely ignore the meaning. It's like memorizing the script to the movie Eraserhead word for word. It is impressive but can you tell me the movie means? Same thing. Also, I go back to the where did you get that fact? Did you get it when you were a kid and you and another 14 year old kid got into a debate? Also, take into account that not everyone who says that they are Christians really are. More on that later.
There are a few more things that I would like to discuss.
One is the famous Epicurus (I think) Quote that seems to once and for all disprove God.
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
My rebuttal to that is: he is able he is willing and he will. The only reason he hasn't yet is to give everyone a chance to accept him. He will. Trust me he will. The Antichrist, the apocalypse, yeah it's all gonna happen. Don't know when, don't know exactly how but it is coming. It is easy to choose God when all is going well for you. But when the going gets tough, when something like you lose a family member in a terrorist attack or a hurricane or you are seriously injured or something, That is when your faith is truly tested. Will you curse God or draw closer to him? Will you be humble before Him or will you be proud and curse him? That's what the Job story is about. Not Job as in work but jOb. Yeah anyway, God tested his faith and he stayed true to god and got rewarded him with more than he had before. (no it didn't happen like in South Park where Kyle's parents tell him the story and it ends with "and Job stayed true to God The End")
As for whence Cometh Evil, I have a question for you to mull over, which would you rather have? A puppet existence where God controls your ever move and your life is perfect? Or, would you rather have free will? Imagine if your parents controlled every move you made, you'd hate it! From free will comes evil. God loves us enough to give us free will and we squander it. Hitler CHOSE to commit genocide God didn't make him. The terrorists CHOSE to destroy the World Trade Centers. God doesn't interfere with out free will. He loves us too much. Out of our choosing comes evil it sucks but it is true.
Also, consider this, there are four types of people who call themselves Christians.
1. The people who say it just to fit in but they don't believe it or just don't care.
| 15. Beware of false Prophets who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravening wolves. 16. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thorns or figs from thistles? 17. Even so, every good tree bringeth forth good fruit but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit 18. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit and a corrupt tree cannot bring forth good fruit 19. Every tree that bringeth forth not good fruit will be hewn down and thrown into the fire 20. And by their fruits, ye shall know them. Basically what that is saying is you will know a false prophet vs a real Christian by what the do as opposed to what they say. 3. The third type is religious people. These people are all the "holier than thou people" These people, sadly, are the stereotypical Christians. Those who if you say " I don't believe in God right now" they respond with "well you're going to Hell!!!" That's wrong for many reasons not the least of which is nothing is set. The apostle Paul (while he was Saul) was a genocidal maniac (targeting Christians) but he found God and well...you see what God did with him. One of the most famous Christians of all time. Now, I know a lot of people see Christianity as a religion. Even a lot of Christians. It isn't it is simply a relationship with God. It is good to go to church to learn about God but it is best to go because you want to, not because you feel obligated to and guilty if you don't. Religious people would see you not going to church as a sure sign of your damnation. For a good example (albeit slightly extreme) example of a religious person, watch how Margaret White (Carrie's mother in the film Carrie) acts. But, this goes back to no one being perfect, even true Christians can wander into this category sometimes. Myself included. I regret it and I will for the rest of my life but it happens. another extreme example of religious people is the KKK. it suck but they claim to be Christians. It is totally wrong and under no circumstances should Christians be associated with that particular "claim to be Christian" terrorist group. It goes back to "and ye shall know them by their fruits". Finally, there are the true Christians. The ones who long to have a deep relationship with God and who truly believe in him. People seem to ignore this category preferring instead to combine the first three and there you go, that is who Christians are. Totally untrue. That is not who real Christians are. Since we are imperfect Even real Christians can deviate into 1 and 3. But at our core, 1 and 3 is not who we are. Another big question is "why do bad things happen to good people" and even vice versa. Well, as for the good people, no one is perfectly good so yeah and there is also evil in the world. It just happens. as for the bad people. They will get theirs. It happens every time. if it doesn't happen in life it happens in death with Hell. People who see deathbed conversions as afterlife insurance don't really believe. Not to say that deathbed conversions don't work but people who say the words on their deathbed and feel "I did whatever I wanted in life but now I'm safe" Doesn't quite work that way. And for all Atheists and Agnostics out there ask yourself this: Why don't you want there to be a God? Think about it. Well, I've ranted long enough, If I think of anything more, I'll add it. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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