Monday, July 18, 2011

My review of Children of the Corn

Now, people since the beginning of horror have complained about how bad child actors are in general (this is by no means limited to horror). There are a few notable exceptions such as Regan from The Exorcist and Samara from The Ring, but in general they do not work. So, imagine a film with only child actors and three adults and you have a good idea of what kind of movie Children of the Corn is.

Acting/characters: Like I said, it relies heavily on child actors. now since not all child actors are bad it could have worked but it really did not here. the characters of Isaac and Malachi are pivotal for the film to work. If they are played by bad actors the whole thing falls apart. Guess what? they weren't very good. The character of Isaac had a ton of potential. Creepy kids can be very good for a horror film if done right but it was not done right here. He just wasn't...evil enough. I know there was no way around the child actor thing. It's a story that centers around evil kids. But it just failed. Linda Hamilton needs to stick to films like The Terminator. 2/10

Plot: It had potential I'll give it that, but it just did not work at all. If there's one thing I hate it's failed promising plots. So naturally I hated this plot. The whole plot just didn't seem to have any development to it. It went too fast for me. It seemed to me to be just "okay let's zoom through the story and give no one a reason to care about anyone." I only cared about Linda Hamilton's character because Hamilton was in The Terminator. since this came out around 8 months before The Terminator, people didn't even have that reason to care. it just didn't work at all. 2.5/10

Screenplay: Now this was utter garbage. I mean it sounds like the script was written by one of the 6 year olds. Tons of cringe-inducing lines here. When I wasn't cringing at how stupid it was I was rolling my eyes. Maybe it just goes back to the child actors. Although here's a conundrum for you: does the screenplay suck because the child actor suck at delivery or do the child actors suck because of the horrible screenplay? Or both? Chicken or the egg? That aside, it was just terrible. 0/10

Likableness: It had its brief moments of being vaguely interesting, but overall it was just plain dumb. Plus, it had horrible special effects. Who was in charge of that!? I know this film probably didn't have the budget of other films but still, it looked like they hardly tried. A failed premise to an interesting plot, horrible acting all around, and an abomination of a screenplay means that you should all give this a miss. It was terrible. 2.5/10

Final score: 7/40 17% (S)
Tomatometer rating: 39%
Tomatometer rating if my review was added: 37%

TRIVIA TIME: 1. On the dashboard of Burt and Vicki's car is a copy of Night Shift, the Stephen King short story collection in which Children of the Corn originally appeared.

2. Though real corn was used for most of filming, polyurethane corn had to be used for the more difficult action sequences.

3. Michael and Corey Frizzell, the nephews of legendary country music stars Lefty & David Frizzell and Sons of Country Gospel great Allen Frizzell (once married to country star Shelly West), played extras at the age of 8 and 9. Michael was also Robby Kiger (Job) stunt double. Corey who is now an artist to country music stars was also a stand in actor for Robby Kiger (Job).

4. The tagline "And a child shall lead them" comes from Isaiah 11:6 in the Old Testament, which reads, "And the wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them."

Oh look, a Tarantino corpse shot.

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