My review of Sorority Row

 The sisters of Theta Pi
Are dying to keep a secret

Yet again we have another dumb tagline. I like mine better. It is a variation of the one for Terror Train

The stupid girls
of Theta Pi
some will live
some will die
no one cares

I decided now to go for a modern slasher film. After Slaughter High this thing is as good and new as Scream. But I'm not gonna let my hatred of Slaughter High get in my way of an honest critique of this crapfest. But you know, I realized something while watching this movie. Anyone who kills enough people (3 or more according to the definition) in enough time that it can be fit into one film isn't a Serial Killer, but rather a Spree Killer. Now, Don't get me wrong, Michael and Jason and the like are Serial Killers but killers in movies like this are Spree Killers. But yeah, moving on.

Acting/Characters: Well, they are pretty much the same. They were difficult at times to remember who they were. That is never ever good. You have films like Psycho and Scream and you could name off all of the characters and what they were like in your sleep. My favorite character by far was the killer. why not? he's doing us all a favor. But you know, the acting was not the worst I have seen. It certainly wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst either. That is because you had one or two characters that had good roles. But, I have discovered that it is easy to play a girl who freaks out all of the time and even easier to play a psychopath. But yeah, the characters are just like very other slasher film out there. when you want the killer to win you are either watching The Silence of the Lambs, Psycho, or a really horrible film where the characters are so annoying that you just want them dead so that the film can be slightly watchable. 3/10

Plot: well, another college prank gone wrong film. *groan* It was slightly interesting near the end, but for the other 90 minutes, it was just the girls with a conscience freaking out and the girls without one being b******. Either way you wanted them all to die and the killer to win. That and the killings. There was a long stretch of time between killings. I watched this film to see girls get cut into pieces with a tire iron I didn't watch it to hear them talk about what's going on for 50 minutes. Why does anyone watch a slasher? for the killings! This one was low on them until the very ending. So yeah, It had a rather pathetic plot that got mildly interesting near the end. 3/10

Screenplay: Who writes these things? I surmise, that it would take 100 monkeys on typewriters 100 years to write a Shakespeare play. Well, it would take one monkey 5 minutes to write this nonsense. The monkey would have occasional bursts of intelligence, but overall, the end result would be this. I don't understand how professional screenplay writers come up with his stuff and think it is a good idea. It isn't the worst screenplay that I have come across, but at the end of the day it isn't even as good as the screenplay for Terror Train. 1.5/10

Likableness: When the killer was on screen killing off all of the people that you disliked and no one was talking it was a very fun film. But sadly, there were probably a grand total of 10 minutes where that happened. It was just your average slasher flick. Since the slasher genre is so bad, that isn't a compliment or anything. It's just a fact. When will I find another good one? I hope soon. 2.5/10

Final Score: 10/40 25% (S)


TRIVIA TIME: 1. The movie was originally intended to be R-rated, but after the success of 2008's Prom Night remake, Summit Entertainment planned to trim it to a PG-13 rating. However, the studio changed its mind, and decided to keep the movie as a solid R-rated movie.

2. The bird-shaped cane that Cassidy grabs for a weapon in one scene is a homage to the original The House on Sorority Row, as it's the same style cane that Mrs. Slater carries in that film.

3. According to the script, Cassidy's surname is Tappan, and Jessica's is Pierson.

4. The name of the college the girls attend is Rosman, named after Mark Rosman, the writer/director of the original film, as well as the executive producer of this film.

5. Several of the music tracks used for background during dialog are used in the video game "Sims 3" when the Sims' stereo is set to "Custom".

6. The frat boy who drunkly declares himself a "sea pig" is directly referencing the original film, wherein a student jumps into the sorority swimming pool and declares the same.

7. Leah Pipes originally read for the part for the character of Ellie. After auditioning for Ellie, she auditioned for the part of Jessica. After a second audition for the role of Jessica, as well as a makeover of hair extensions and a wardrobe change, she was given the part.