Monday, May 16, 2011

I am team Freddy...

So, you know the utterly ridiculous terms that floated around during the worldwide phenomenon known as the "Twilight craze" a ridiculous obsession with sparkling vampires and perpetually shirtless werewolves. It's different from the Harry Potter craze in that twilight doesn't have bad-asses like Neville Longbottm or complex characters like Snape. No, the twilight phase is one that has spawned two highly hated-by-rational-people dual word combinations:


Horrid isn't it? Now, I went through a slasher film phase last September-January. I saw a boatload of them. For more info on that, go here:

Now, there are a few horror icons that one may prefer over another. The big three of course being Freddy, Michael, and Jason. One may say that they are Team Michael or Team Jason. If a label must be applied to liking one over the other two,  I would say that I am Team Freddy.

No, not this one

Or this one

No I'm talking about this one. No puns, nothing like that, just pure evil.

I have this ready-made response available for whenever I go to the next Twilight movie to get in the middle of it to destroy it from within. If anyone asks me if I am Team Edward or Team Jacob (a fate I would not wish upon my worst enemy) I would just tell them "I'm Team Freddy. He could wipe the floor with both of them."So, My advice is, if you are ever asked that question, pick someone like "Team Jason Bourne" or "Team Chuck Norris" or "Team Morgan Freeman" and then promptly respond by saying that your team figurehead could crush both Edward and Jacob without even breaking a sweat. If you want to be really creative, carefully explain why.
That's my advice if you're ever asked that question.

So, I'm sure any Twi-hards *Shudder* are asking HOW COULD FREDDY POSSIBLY DO THAT!?
It's quite simple really. See, no one can do any real damage to Freddy while asleep so here's how Freddy would do it:

1. Kill Jacob in his sleep by turning him into a chihuahua and ripping him to shreds (he does have the power to turn his victims into other things. Roach Motel anyone?)
2. He kills Bella in her sleep by pretending to be Edward and when she hugs him Freddy reveals his true form and slashers her in the back and impales her on a tree branch.
3. With Bella dead, Edward has the Volturi kill him.

That is how Freddy would kill the leads of Twilight. I am Team Freddy

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